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The Eggplant
AMC Movie Theater Construction Just the Next Phase of Stadium Center
AMC Movie Theater Construction Just the Next Phase of Stadium Center

Whether you’re trying to buy intravenous drugs or meet some friendly local prostitutes, the Centre of Tallahassee is your one-stop-shop.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 27, 2019
Waffle House Employee Knows Patron Better Than Their Own Mother
Waffle House Employee Knows Patron Better Than Their Own Mother

After a long night of enjoying some wholesome, under-funded theater on campus, there’s no better release than strolling into your friendly neighborhood Waffle House.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 6, 2019
Local Woman Breaks Record for Having Rewards App for Every Restaurant in Tallahassee
Local Woman Breaks Record for Having Rewards App for Every Restaurant in Tallahassee

As college students, everyone is looking to save as much money as possible while engaging in benders of reckless spending.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 25, 2019
STDs Make Annual Southern Migration for Spring Break 2k19
STDs Make Annual Southern Migration for Spring Break 2k19

Spring break is approaching again to not only separate the boys from the men but to distinguish the students with healthy childhoods from those who will be spending an entire week drinking to forget.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 14, 2019
Recess Rounds of Drinks Bring New Meaning to “Flu Shots”
Recess Rounds of Drinks Bring New Meaning to “Flu Shots”

Our mothers, doctors and teachers all warned us! They wagged their fingers and lectured all the while about the quickly approaching flu season. Even the four Emily’s from ENC2135, riddled with wicked coughs, contagious chills and without a right to be in public served as ghastly omens.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 6, 2019
Leading Cause of Favorite Network TV Show Cancellations Revealed to Be MadSo Trivia Night Picks
Leading Cause of Favorite Network TV Show Cancellations Revealed to Be MadSo Trivia Night Picks

It’s never easy to see a show you've religiously watched every Thursday at 7/8 p.m. central time suddenly get thrust into the realm of cancellations. What's harder than this, however, is suddenly seeing it become a Madison Social Trivia Night pick of the week.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 28, 2019
FSU Commissions Electric Buses, Sparks Debate Amongst Horsegirls and College Republicans
FSU Commissions Electric Buses, Sparks Debate Amongst Horsegirls and College Republicans

Last week, Florida State made the surprising decision to stop choking the environment with fossil fuels and commission an entire fleet of electric buses to transport students around Tallahassee by Fall of 2019.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 27, 2019
FSU Student Who Thinks He's Better Than Everyone Takes Unnecessary Voluntourist Trip to TCC Over Break
FSU Student Who Thinks He's Better Than Everyone Takes Unnecessary Voluntourist Trip to TCC Over Break

Winter break is usually a time where students are either getting drunk in an Airbnb with high school friends already deleted from Facebook or taking expensive cruises to every country their dads are trying to keep out of the United States.

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The Eggplant FSUJanuary 14, 2019
Air Quality in Tallahassee Just Got More Toxic Since the Girls Who Were Mean to You Are Back From Abroad
Air Quality in Tallahassee Just Got More Toxic Since the Girls Who Were Mean to You Are Back From Abroad

It’s a new year. A new semester. A new day. Yet, there’s something different hanging in the air that isn’t the hippies on Landis who haven’t left their hammocks since 2018.

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The Eggplant FSUJanuary 8, 2019
Frat Boys Take Over Goodwill for Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties, Don’t Donate Their Extra Change for Charity
Frat Boys Take Over Goodwill for Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties, Don’t Donate Their Extra Change for Charity

The weeks between Thanksgiving and Winter Break mean one thing and one thing only: the brothers of every fraternity at FSU will be throwing their super original and totally not misogynistic “Annual Sluts and Sleds Ugly Christmas Sweater” parties.

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The Eggplant FSUDecember 4, 2018
Woman Finds Only Thing Standing Between Her and Mental Chaos Is a Funnel Cake from the Fair
Woman Finds Only Thing Standing Between Her and Mental Chaos Is a Funnel Cake from the Fair

The North Florida Fair is quickly coming to a close, so it’s time to text everyone for a last minute invite in hopes that at least one of them will take pity on you and dish out over $25 for some whacky carnival games.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 15, 2018
Mama Mia! Pizzeria Fails Health Inspection for Putting “A Little Piece of Grandma Falzione in Every Slice”
Mama Mia! Pizzeria Fails Health Inspection for Putting “A Little Piece of Grandma Falzione in Every Slice”

There has long been heated debates over the best pizza available in Tallahassee. Many students of FSU and FAMU would argue for Gaines Street Pies, Momo's or Centrale, but only true local experts have tasted the sweet sweet sauce of the true champion, Falzione's Pizza on Thomasville.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 19, 2018
Hipsters Who Called Gaines Street "Gentrified" Rattled to Discover the New GreenWise Is Actually Amazing
Hipsters Who Called Gaines Street "Gentrified" Rattled to Discover the New GreenWise Is Actually Amazing

Having long been the center of controversy amidst those loud woke kids outside your humanities class is the gentrification of College Town.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 17, 2018
New "Greenwise Market" On Gaines Street Secretly A Front For Underground Food Fad Market
New "Greenwise Market" On Gaines Street Secretly A Front For Underground Food Fad Market

While the war between people who religiously shop at Lucky’s Market and Trader Joe’s wages on throughout Tallahassee, Publix has decided to make a comeback following the loss of The Fresh Market a few years ago by building a monolithic and trendy “Greenwise Market.”

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 14, 2018
The Eggplant's Guide to Tallahassee Cryptids for Graduating Suckers
The Eggplant's Guide to Tallahassee Cryptids for Graduating Suckers

With graduation just around the bend, The Eggplant is here to help all  the liberal arts majors being thrown out into the real world ensure that they’ve made the most of their time in this kitschy, hellscape of a city by compiling a comprehensive list of all of the local cryptids found throughout the area.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 27, 2018
TPD Announces Formation of Raccoon Cop Division to Comb Through Every Student Athlete’s Trash
TPD Announces Formation of Raccoon Cop Division to Comb Through Every Student Athlete’s Trash

The success of sticking FSU quarterback Deondre Francois with a marijuana possession citation after digging through his trash for several weeks has inspired the Tallahassee Police Department to create a new branch of TPD solely focused on digging through players’ garbage.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 23, 2018
Construction on Tennessee St. Target Halted Due to Resurrection of Anthropology Dept. Mummies
Construction on Tennessee St. Target Halted Due to Resurrection of Anthropology Dept. Mummies

Following the tragic loss of the evil clubbing entity, Coliseum at the end of last year, residents on the west side of Tallahassee have finally come to terms with. knowing that they will never be able to turn up next to a CVS littered with broken bottles and throw up ever again.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 16, 2018
Clever Thief Disguised as Maple Street Biscuit Co. Employee Steals Four SSNs Just by Asking
Clever Thief Disguised as Maple Street Biscuit Co. Employee Steals Four SSNs Just by Asking

When you have delicious, gravy-smothered breakfast biscuits on your mind, the last thing you'd expect is someone trying to steal your identity from right under your nose.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 5, 2018
We Found the MTV’s ‘Next’ Profiles of All 12 Members of the Florida House With A+ Ratings From the NRA
We Found the MTV’s ‘Next’ Profiles of All 12 Members of the Florida House With A+ Ratings From the NRA

Last week, 71 members of the Florida House of Representatives voted against merely hearing House Bill 219, which would ban AR-15s among other assault weapons and large-capacity magazines.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 27, 2018
Lucky Goat to Sell Adderall-Infused Cold Brew for Midterms
Lucky Goat to Sell Adderall-Infused Cold Brew for Midterms

The smell of stress sweat and frustrated tears filled the air at the Lucky Goat on Pensacola last t weekend as many students opened their syllabus calendars for the first time all year.

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The Eggplant FSUFebruary 15, 2018
Newer Older

  • The Eggplant FSU
    I haven’t showered since last year😭
    Apr 5, 2023, 8:42 AM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Investigation into where the fuck those red chairs on landis went
    Apr 2, 2023, 1:42 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    We are unbelievably upset by the accusations laid out in this totally real letter we received. We will continue to… https://t.co/rl1b2cYlY5
    Apr 1, 2023, 2:51 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    hey fools, happy april🤭
    Apr 1, 2023, 1:23 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Damn, this class is keeping me late🤯🤯🤯 (it ends at 4:20)
    Mar 29, 2023, 4:19 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    If our song and mirrorball are gone, what do i have to look forward to for the tampa show, taylor???? (i don’t have tickets)
    Mar 29, 2023, 1:30 PM

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