After catching accusations of biblical-level greed, the world has unanimously voted for bisexual-identifying individuals to just hurry up and choose one already
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In a surprise upset at last night’s 98th Academy Awards, a crayon drawing of my father and I holding hands won Best Picture.
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In a joint press conference with the Food and Drug Administration, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced that jeans and other denim-based products were safe to be eaten by American citizens.
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While a recent Gallup poll showed that Emperor Palpatine holds a measly 28% approval rating among galactic citizens, the galaxy is still largely split between Sith and Jedi allegiance.
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In a leaked email to investors, Discord CEO, Humam Sakhnini admitted that the recent rise of empowered pedophiles communicating via email was causing “major damage” to their user base.
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In a public statement made on Ash Wednesday, the new Chicagoan Pope, Leo XIV, announced that he is giving up "broccoli and other gross vegetables” for Lent
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With the start of the Chinese New Year, billions of Chinese citizens and Chinese-souled white individuals have begun celebrating the coming Year of the Horse.
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In a move that has left the warrior community puzzled and outraged, local samurai Tokugawa Musashi failed his blade exam after declining to study for it.
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The Eggplant would like to extend its formal congratulations to Oscar, who has reportedly been nominated in twenty four different categories
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“We can’t say exactly why this might be helpful, or how soon,” said Director Jim O’Neill. “But just…you know. Be ready.”
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In a revolutionary technological breakthrough, a new firework from the infamous X-TREME TRAUMA BOMBA FIREWORX Co. has hit the market.
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For years, news sources have reported on “gross domestic product.” It seems as though Domestic Product was never given a chance to prove itself otherwise.
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Residents were stunned on Monday as septuagenarian Ida Hoemann took several hostages inside a local diner.
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Tensions have risen as people being held in Brooklyn’s Metropolitan Detention Center (MDC) have reportedly been uniting against fellow groups of prisoners.
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“On paper it was genius,” says Maya Ruthers, one of the creative leads in charge of the failed Dasani x Windex collaboration.
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The sleepy town of Denver, Mississippi mourned the loss of one of its own last week, as well-known ‘golden retriever boyfriend’ Kelvin Durango was sadly put down.
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Vice President JD Vance was spotted recently working the afternoon shift at a Hot Topic, quietly folding My Chemical Romance T-shirts and muttering to himself.
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At the Oscars (Film Award Show) Will Smith slapped Chris Rock.
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The Christmas season–for most, a period of holiday cheer, merriment, cozy nights by the fire, and valuable time spent with friends and family. But for 33-year-old Pierce Williams, it quickly became a nightmare of Hallmarkian proportions.
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Sit back, relax, and savor just a few NFL highlights from seven-time Pro Bowler, two-time First-Team All-Pro, and member of the Hall of Fame All-2010s Team, Julio Jones.
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