WOKE IS BACK! The Eggplant staff has polled some of its most wokest staff to collect the 5 best things to do now that woke is back
Read More
Nothing says “president material” like pulling some classic pranks with your boys, and The Eggplant is here to help any future inhabitants of the White House with ideas for your next harmless goof or gaffe!
Read More
Canadian superstar Drake clapped back at rival Kendrick Lamar yesterday with an incredibly timely diss track entitled “You’re Not Like Me.”
Read More
Any credibility that previously came with being an EGOT winner no longer counts, meaning deceased holders of the title are shit out of luck.
America’s suburban mothers rattled the journalistic world on Sunday.
Read More
The Eggplant had the opportunity to interview a man who ends all sentences with questions?
Read More
At a press conference this morning, President Donald Trump announced plans to demolish the entire East Wing of the White House, replacing it with what he calls “the yummiest treats in all of this glorious nation,” a deep-fried Oreo stand.
Read More
Riots exploded all over the country yesterday as bald men everywhere expressed their outrage towards acclaimed actor Timothee Chalamet
Read More
Kidman was strolling down the street post-separation when she had a run-in with co-owner of the Staten Island Ferry, Pete Davidson.
Read More
Among them is Epstein’s infamous homeboy, Donald Trump, who, in a recent interview with the Eggplant, revealed that his name just might be among the files.
In a shocking turn of events, my new stepdad is surprisingly pretty chill. Ever since my parents got divorced, I have had a rough go at it.
“Well, I thought there was a lake or some body of water way out there, which wouldn’t make sense because it’s a desert. So I made my way over there, and it was a bunch of sand, so that sucked.”
Read More
“When asked for comment, the CEO of Captain D’s said ‘Opp watch. Smokin that Long John Silver pack. RIP bozo.’”
The Eggplant has learned that Tom Cruise was reportedly raptured from his Los Angeles home at 3:38 p.m. on Wednesday.
Read More
It goes without saying, but we legally cannot promote the notion that our flights are safe anymore, what they can promote, however, is an enjoyable crash experience, should the opportunity present itself.
Riots have erupted in every major municipality south of Orlando, with Broward County having imposed martial law in an attempt to quash rapidly magnifying civil unrest. Miami-Dade has been all but leveled.
Read More
With this new concept, participants can partake in adventures only possible with the lack of conscience these law-bending Florida residents have.
Read More
What is there to do now that the terror-filled Duolingo lesson can’t happen in the bar at 11:55 PM while trying to order the next round of drinks?
It’s time to stop criticizing podcast bros for learning the truths of the universe from magic mushrooms, because it might be the only way they can. New research has shown that tripping on mushrooms actually does teach men critical skills like empathy and kindness. God knows their mothers didn’t teach them, or at least hit them enough.
It seems that CDC specialists have been hit with a sudden wave of FOMO. Or at least that’s what we can assume based on their recent semi-scientific findings.
Read More