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Calling All Boners: Club Downunder To Host Special Guest Styxx Youngbone’s Revival Tour
Calling All Boners: Club Downunder To Host Special Guest Styxx Youngbone’s Revival Tour

This one's for all the Boners out there. After featuring a variety of big-name performers, FSU’s Club Downunder struck gold yet again when they took to Instagram to announce their latest upcoming musical guest: Styxx Youngbone.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 16, 2025
FSU College of Medicine Lung Doctor License Revoked Following Geek Bar Usage During Appointments
FSU College of Medicine Lung Doctor License Revoked Following Geek Bar Usage During Appointments

Despite repeated warnings, Dr. N. Tine, acclaimed pulmonologist and graduate of the Florida State University College of Medicine, has found himself without a medical license. Following the repeated offense of hitting his Geek Bar during critical lung consultation appointments.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 9, 2025
Township Staff Under Fire After Letting in 3 Freshmen in a Trench Coat.
Township Staff Under Fire After Letting in 3 Freshmen in a Trench Coat.

Scandal struck the Tallahassee bar scene this past weekend, when a bartender noticed that one of the patrons was shockingly found to be three freshmen in a trench coat.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 8, 2025
FSU Announces New Major: Sendonomics; Every Frat Guy Changes Major
FSU Announces New Major: Sendonomics; Every Frat Guy Changes Major

President Richard McCullough says that he is thrilled to welcome Sendonomics to campus, and that “those wannabe sendy SEC schools ain’t got nothing like this!” He then shotgunned a Four Loko and did the griddy.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 6, 2025
Type FSU as “FAU” One More Time and Richard McCullough Is Going To Get You
Type FSU as “FAU” One More Time and Richard McCullough Is Going To Get You

There has been an exponential rise in the frequency of FSU students accidentally misspelling FSU as “FAU.”

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 5, 2025
Man Featured on Tinder Tuesday Sues Barstool for Defamation of Character
Man Featured on Tinder Tuesday Sues Barstool for Defamation of Character

How was he supposed to know that asking “How many holes am I workin’ with?” might cause trouble? 


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The Eggplant FSUApril 29, 2025
Latest Trend Shows FSU Students Attempting The Viral “Tri-Infecta”
Latest Trend Shows FSU Students Attempting The Viral “Tri-Infecta”

You don’t win until you walk into the clinic with something viral, bacterial, and fungal

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The Eggplant FSUApril 15, 2025
Breaking: 5th Floor of Strozier Turns Into War Zone After 1 Rogue FaceTime Call
Breaking: 5th Floor of Strozier Turns Into War Zone After 1 Rogue FaceTime Call

It all began when Chad Chadley, a sophomore finance major with a douche bag minor, answered a video call from his  “roommate” Brad Bradley.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 10, 2025
FSU Student Refuses Public Transport, Gets Hit by Car
FSU Student Refuses Public Transport, Gets Hit by Car

 He had just one last semester to get through without injury, and that was his last day on the force, too

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The Eggplant FSUApril 4, 2025
Fully Operational Meth Lab Discovered on Fifth Floor of Hoffman Teaching Laboratory
Fully Operational Meth Lab Discovered on Fifth Floor of Hoffman Teaching Laboratory

I think it goes without saying that the work ethic here needs to be praised, even if the actions don’t fully align with the law

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 22, 2024
2025 Indianapolis 500 To Be Held In Traditions Way Parking Garage
2025 Indianapolis 500 To Be Held In Traditions Way Parking Garage

It’s no secret that Tallahassee has a reputation for producing some of the most aggressive drivers in the nation

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 25, 2024
FSU Parking Services Unveil “Deal With The Devil Pass": Exchange Your Soul For Better Chances At a Space
FSU Parking Services Unveil “Deal With The Devil Pass": Exchange Your Soul For Better Chances At a Space

Is increasing your chances of getting that spot in Traditions Garage by 5% worth enough to you? Because it’s going to cost eternal damnation.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 17, 2024
Matt Gaetz Visits FSU To Spend Uninterrupted Quality Time With Newly Legal Female Student Population
Matt Gaetz Visits FSU To Spend Uninterrupted Quality Time With Newly Legal Female Student Population

For a minute there, audiences seemed so charmed (as opposed to watching our robot overlord Governor Desantis speak), you could almost forget he was an alleged pedophile.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 16, 2024
FSU Campus Starbucks Drops New Fall Drink, Lexapro Cold Foam Deemed a Success
FSU Campus Starbucks Drops New Fall Drink, Lexapro Cold Foam Deemed a Success
The Eggplant FSUOctober 2, 2024
FSU Football Team Promises to Finally Lock In Now For Real This Time
FSU Football Team Promises to Finally Lock In Now For Real This Time

You really got us good Mike (I’m in constant agony)

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 19, 2024
Guy Pulls Reverse She’s the Man in Order To Play Soccer at FSU
Guy Pulls Reverse She’s the Man in Order To Play Soccer at FSU

Barney Bagpipe woke up in a cold sweat one night when they realized FSU had no male soccer team.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 2, 2024
2024 Predicted to Have THE Highest Dormcest Baby Birth Rates to Date: What You Need to Know.
2024 Predicted to Have THE Highest Dormcest Baby Birth Rates to Date: What You Need to Know.

A time when stories of pouring beers turn into reading books and rolling blunts evolve to rolling to class on your razor scooter.

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The Eggplant FSUJanuary 1, 2024
Panera Sips Club Investigation Reveals Dark University Conspiracy
Panera Sips Club Investigation Reveals Dark University Conspiracy

With the wild success of their Sips Club - the charged lemonades specifically, the Student Union Panera Bread location recently rolled out their latest drink: the Ultra, Super-Duper Charged Lemonade.

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The Eggplant FSUDecember 8, 2023
FSU Student Faces Big UTI
FSU Student Faces Big UTI

It’s no secret that Tallahassee smells like shit.

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The Eggplant FSUDecember 7, 2023
Saudi Arabian Oil Tycoon Purchases FSU Quadball Team
Saudi Arabian Oil Tycoon Purchases FSU Quadball Team

Every year, millions of UK “football” fans tune in to watch their favorite premier league teams face off against one another.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 5, 2023
Older

  • The Eggplant FSU
    I haven’t showered since last year😭
    Apr 5, 2023, 8:42 AM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Investigation into where the fuck those red chairs on landis went
    Apr 2, 2023, 1:42 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    We are unbelievably upset by the accusations laid out in this totally real letter we received. We will continue to… https://t.co/rl1b2cYlY5
    Apr 1, 2023, 2:51 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    hey fools, happy april🤭
    Apr 1, 2023, 1:23 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Damn, this class is keeping me late🤯🤯🤯 (it ends at 4:20)
    Mar 29, 2023, 4:19 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    If our song and mirrorball are gone, what do i have to look forward to for the tampa show, taylor???? (i don’t have tickets)
    Mar 29, 2023, 1:30 PM

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