BREAKING: All the Sketchy Connections You Thought Your SGA Friend Had Are Probably Real

BREAKING: All the Sketchy Connections You Thought Your SGA Friend Had Are Probably Real

Everyone has that one friend with a seemingly irrelevant position within SGA that always seems to “know a guy” and get better internships than you. In the past, friends of student government members have just assumed it was because of rich parents or Greek life or both; however, FSU’s proudest tattletale and independent SGA candidate John Walker has brought to light some serious accusations that link the pseudo-secret society Burning Spear to various cases of corruption within local and state politics.

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Administration to Sidestep Controversy Over Racist Statue by Inventing Willy Wonka Backstory

Administration to Sidestep Controversy Over Racist Statue by Inventing Willy Wonka Backstory

In recent days, the President’s Advisory Panel on Namings and Recognitions has encouraged input from the Florida State student body regarding the potential renaming or removal of several campus landmarks, including Francis Eppes Hall and the Francis Eppes statue, both of which honor a man who esteemed historians have classified as “an unparalleled dick.”

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Heroic Fraternity Announces New Philanthropy Event to Serve Liquor to Women Who Need It Most

Heroic Fraternity Announces New Philanthropy Event to Serve Liquor to Women Who Need It Most

Following the limited reinstatement of the recruitment process and philanthropic events for Greek organizations on campus, many members are readjusting to the reality that part of Thrasher’s new normal includes toning down the partying and toning up the philanthropy, as well as nose-breathing and being polite to strangers.

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Instructors Expect You to Learn Telepathy in Lieu of Them Just Figuring out Canvas

Instructors Expect You to Learn Telepathy in Lieu of Them Just Figuring out Canvas

With the dated evil of Blackboard nothing but a weird fever dream of error walls and late updates, you’d think Canvas would feel like a breath of fresh air for professors and students alike. Little did we know, the shift would essentially be read as the largest insult to mankind, with instructors retaliating in the most asinine sense of the word.

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Olo Culture Just the Evidence Thrasher Needed That FSU Deserves Greek Life Again

Olo Culture Just the Evidence Thrasher Needed That FSU Deserves Greek Life Again

Following the season premiere of a last-minute digital media productions project beyond trash television reality show documenting the exploits of privilege left unchecked, President Thrasher announced that the student body has clearly learned its lesson on the dangers of reckless drinking and toxic social behaviors and that all Greek life has been re-established on campus, effective immediately.

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