With graduation just around the bend, The Eggplant is here to help all  the liberal arts majors being thrown out into the real world ensure that they’ve made the most of their time in this kitschy, hellscape of a city by compiling a comprehensive list of all of the local cryptids found throughout the area.

The success of sticking FSU quarterback Deondre Francois with a marijuana possession citation after digging through his trash for several weeks has inspired the Tallahassee Police Department to create a new branch of TPD solely focused on digging through players’ garbage.

Following the tragic loss of the evil clubbing entity, Coliseum at the end of last year, residents on the west side of Tallahassee have finally come to terms with. knowing that they will never be able to turn up next to a CVS littered with broken bottles and throw up ever again.

When you have delicious, gravy-smothered breakfast biscuits on your mind, the last thing you'd expect is someone trying to steal your identity from right under your nose.

Last week, 71 members of the Florida House of Representatives voted against merely hearing House Bill 219, which would ban AR-15s among other assault weapons and large-capacity magazines.

The smell of stress sweat and frustrated tears filled the air at the Lucky Goat on Pensacola last t weekend as many students opened their syllabus calendars for the first time all year.

Nestled between FAMU and FSU is Railroad Square Art Park: a local community of shops and unique businesses that holds a warm place in the hearts of everyone who grew up in Tallahassee and went through a scene phase.

It’s that time of year again, folks!

Betsy DeVos will visit two schools in Tallahassee today. So naturally, we made a drinking game.

If you’re like me, your tummy is always growling for two things: an all-natural beef beatdown in the form of a chemically-laden, mass-produced hamburger and some hashtag coffee to wash it all down.

Sweet Shop is commonly known around Tallahassee as a quaint little hangout where students can meet up to talk, study, order an ice cream sundae or even scratch ‘420 Blaze It’ inside their booth of choice.

After the defeat of the evil Lord Voldemort, his identical twin Rick Scott was summoned to wreak havoc upon the world.

Riches-to-riches underdog Donald Trump continues his grassroots campaign tour this Tuesday with a stop in Tallahassee, Florida.

Since the start of the fall semester, residents of Tallahassee have dealt with severe damage to electricity lines thanks to multiple storms, a car crashing into an electric pole and their roommate Greg not paying his share of the utilities.

Following last Friday’s All Saints parking area closure, local businesses were told to scram as the whole fucking area is now going to be demolished.

Pot smokers and ironic jokers alike rejoiced last week as one student finally became the back end of the cannabis-based punchline they’ve all been waiting for since the 7th grade, a mere three years before any of them actually touched marijuana.