Local Woman Breaks Record for Having Rewards App for Every Restaurant in Tallahassee

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As college students, everyone is looking to save as much money as possible while engaging in benders of reckless spending. Despite dropping $60 at the Ocala Publix to stock up a perpetually barren refrigerator, the fact of the matter is that it’s more likely than not that students will be spending double that eating out at restaurants for the next week anyway. That is, all but one woman. In an attempt to pinch every penny possible while avoiding how to learn how to never make a meal for herself local woman Meghan Turner has broken the world record for most rewards apps downloaded.

“The rush you get when the employee scans your phone and you earn seven out of 1000 points for your purchase of a small pizza that’s been upcharged 200% is legendary,” said Turner as she whipped out her 128GB storage smartphone with an astronomical data bill that still doesn’t have the RAM to make basic phone calls. “It’s kind of a turn on when you see the rewards tracker go up by a fraction of a percent. I know the workers hate me because I can never remember my password and hold up the whole line trying to login before paying, but I just don’t care. In two years, I’m going to get a dollar off at Blaze!”

“She comes in here all the time and we physically cannot stop her because she gets such intense ‘roid rage whenever she whips open that barely functional, 2008-era rewards app,” said disgruntled Blaze Pizza employee Nelson Zannoti as he tried to calm the line of eleven angry sorority sisters held up by Turner insisting she had more points than this. “They’re so pissed they aren’t able to move down to the sea salt and oregano station because girly with the apps over here can’t get the app up right before walking in. It’s every time with her, and for what? Like a dollar off in two years? It’s not real savings! It’s a marketing strategy!”

Regardless of how much value is actually in these apps, Turner has managed to find a shred of it. If it isn't obvious, she’s not afraid to make a couple of enemies if it means half-off a medium beverage with twenty dollar purchase. In all honesty, everyone should try to be like Turner in order to save three cents a year.

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