Student About to Hand in Twenty Loose Pages Just Wondering If You Had a Stapler

Student About to Hand in Twenty Loose Pages Just Wondering If You Had a Stapler

Professionalism and precision were both on display today in Professor Yulman’s Religious Ethics class when students arrived armed with their lengthy midterm research essays. While most were well thought out, revised and neatly bound together in those ugly little portfolios that you used for lab reports in AP Chemistry, one student caused a commotion in the back corner of the room as Professor Yulman collected the assignment.

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Girl Who Broke Your Arm and Called You Ugly in Middle School Selected as Dance Marathon Morale Captain

Girl Who Broke Your Arm and Called You Ugly in Middle School Selected as Dance Marathon Morale Captain

Women who were once your average run-of-the-mill middle school tormentors have all grown into upstanding philanthropic women since joining their college sororities. These principled women, who were once suspended for taking pictures of girls through the cracks in the school bathroom stalls on their Motorola Razrs and posting them to Myspace, now pride themselves in taking part of an event that honors children.

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Freshman Who Would Never "Buy His Friends" Currently Taking Out Loan To Join Honor Society

Freshman Who Would Never "Buy His Friends" Currently Taking Out Loan To Join Honor Society

In the habit of joining every resume boosting club in high school, FSU freshmen of all majors are desperately looking to join any sketchy club with heavy fees and questionable objectives. While many have decided to go the fraternity and sorority route, others who claim they would never “buy their friends” have decided to take the moral high road and pay for their qualifications instead.

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Thousands of Students to Go Without Resetting Microwave Clock for Rest of Year

Thousands of Students to Go Without Resetting Microwave Clock for Rest of Year

Due to mild winds turning every Tallahassee tree into the Whomping Willow, students city-wide anticipated long term power outages from hurricane Irma. Thankfully, the majority of these students were faced merely with slight flickers in power, affecting not much more than the time displayed on their sauce splattered microwaves.

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