Flight Attendant Doesn’t Want to Be on This Propeller Plane Either

Flight Attendant Doesn’t Want to Be on This Propeller Plane Either

Fear struck the hearts of, maybe, two dozen people last Thursday when the passengers of Bilver Bairways flight BV128 realized that their commute from Tallahassee to Ft. Lauderdale would be facilitated by propeller plane. While the pilot remained confident in his ability to pioneer the journey, the flight attendant aboard the small aircraft, Angela Cornfee, was clearly uneasy.

Read More

Passionate Sign Spinner Stages Full Production of "Hamlet" on Sidewalk

Passionate Sign Spinner Stages Full Production of "Hamlet" on Sidewalk

On the corner of one of Tallahassee’s busiest intersections, Justin “Flips” Granger has been working as a human billboard for 3 months. He reportedly began the job to pay off parking tickets and the credit card debt he accrued with “Kim Kardashian: Hollywood” in-app microtransactions, but he claims to have developed a passion for the work.

Read More

FSU Mom Drove Seven Hours Just to Tell You Your Kitchen Is Gross

FSU Mom Drove Seven Hours Just to Tell You Your Kitchen Is Gross

With half of Fall semester already under their belts, students at Florida State are ready for the non-judgemental, warm embraces from proud Nole parents. That’s right, it’s Parents’ Weekend and folks from all over Florida are celebrating the long-standing tradition of taking a full day off work to drive across the state to tell their child how disappointing their kitchen is.

Read More

Hell Week Softened to Heck Week Amidst University Hazing Crackdowns

Hell Week Softened to Heck Week Amidst University Hazing Crackdowns

November is finally here and with it comes the smell of rotting gourds, a pilgrim’s promise and the beginning of the end for this season’s Greek life pledges. After a grueling two months of ill-fitting blazers, pastel ties and fruitless efforts to get a blow job from literally anyone warm-blooded, these fraternity hopefuls face the final test of loyalty and dedication: Hell Week.

Read More

Frat Halloween Party Revealed to be Inspiration for “Jigsaw”

Frat Halloween Party Revealed to be Inspiration for “Jigsaw”

Any time a new director comes onto the scene of a beloved halloween torture-porn franchise, the air is abuzz with hostility and the remnants of Donnie Wahlberg’s farts. How could they possibly surpass the pure art of a shotgun death carousel? Luckily, the Spierig Brothers recognized the truth: sometimes, misanthropic depravity isn’t found in the mind of a fictional cancer patient with a vendetta.

Read More

Student About to Hand in Twenty Loose Pages Just Wondering If You Had a Stapler

Student About to Hand in Twenty Loose Pages Just Wondering If You Had a Stapler

Professionalism and precision were both on display today in Professor Yulman’s Religious Ethics class when students arrived armed with their lengthy midterm research essays. While most were well thought out, revised and neatly bound together in those ugly little portfolios that you used for lab reports in AP Chemistry, one student caused a commotion in the back corner of the room as Professor Yulman collected the assignment.

Read More