As the Tallahassee weather begins to drop back into chilly bone territory with a chance of seasonal depression, frantic FSU students have been stuffing dollar bills into their thermostats because they don’t know any other way to turn up the heat.
Read MoreOver the past month, statisticians have been puzzled by the sharp increase in subscribers to Moviepass, the service that has all of the film school students even hornier than “The Shape of Water.”
Read MoreWith the buzz of the holidays wearing off and families dispersing to their respective towns, the backbone of every family is left behind to dust off the jars of seven year-old peppermints in the guest bathrooms. Grandparents across the nation are now reminiscing on the forced laughter and gifts shared during holiday festivities.
Read MoreA tale as old as time: you’ve spent hours putting in work to complete the study guide for your final, making flashcards and using the pack of highlighters your aunt bought you when you left for college.
Read MoreWith winter break well on it’s way, faculty and students can find mutual grief in the mere thought of driving hundreds of miles to be met by the mediocrity of highway patrol officers, who somehow only manifest when you think you’ll be on time for your little cousin’s sousaphone recital for once.
Read MoreIt’s beginning to look a lot like The Holiday of Your Choice in Tallahassee, Florida. All the signs are there: ugly sweater party Facebook events are piling up, special snowflakes are complaining about Starbucks’ attack on Christmas and your token out of state friend won’t stop mansplaining how the weather works up north.
Read MoreHappy flu season! While some students only end up with the sniffles despite marinating on a campus full of bed bugs and library chairs from the 50s, several others end up with a new strain of some painful and FSU-branded mutant virus.
Read MoreInspired by her previous semester abroad and her need to unintentionally touch fingertips with her closest friends while reaching for food, Cassidy Tader decided to spend her waltz hitting Tallahassee’s hottest tapas bars, starting at Taco Bell.
Read MoreFear struck the hearts of, maybe, two dozen people last Thursday when the passengers of Bilver Bairways flight BV128 realized that their commute from Tallahassee to Ft. Lauderdale would be facilitated by propeller plane. While the pilot remained confident in his ability to pioneer the journey, the flight attendant aboard the small aircraft, Angela Cornfee, was clearly uneasy.
Read MoreAfter the release of Apple’s latest overpriced but still-worth-it-because-it’s-not-an-Android installment of the iPhone, brand loyal users everywhere are going nuts over features that scare everyone who believes in the A.I. Revolution.
Read MoreThe holiday season is rapidly approaching, making Christmas music more and more socially acceptable to listen to in public and crying alone in your car when you remember how terrible Christmas is now that your dad got remarried.
Read MoreOn the corner of one of Tallahassee’s busiest intersections, Justin “Flips” Granger has been working as a human billboard for 3 months. He reportedly began the job to pay off parking tickets and the credit card debt he accrued with “Kim Kardashian: Hollywood” in-app microtransactions, but he claims to have developed a passion for the work.
Read MoreOn Monday evening, three days after “ThE WorLD iS EndINg: La$T KeG PArtY” hosted by Malcolm Rockwell, Tiana Moore was found standing in Rockwell’s living room, nodding along to the music and smiling every time someone said something to her, even though she wasn’t listening.
Read MoreWith half of Fall semester already under their belts, students at Florida State are ready for the non-judgemental, warm embraces from proud Nole parents. That’s right, it’s Parents’ Weekend and folks from all over Florida are celebrating the long-standing tradition of taking a full day off work to drive across the state to tell their child how disappointing their kitchen is.
Read MoreNovember has the potential to be a productive month, as it is one of your last chances to do literally any of the things you promised yourself you would at the beginning of the year.
Read MoreNovember is finally here and with it comes the smell of rotting gourds, a pilgrim’s promise and the beginning of the end for this season’s Greek life pledges. After a grueling two months of ill-fitting blazers, pastel ties and fruitless efforts to get a blow job from literally anyone warm-blooded, these fraternity hopefuls face the final test of loyalty and dedication: Hell Week.
Read MoreAny time a new director comes onto the scene of a beloved halloween torture-porn franchise, the air is abuzz with hostility and the remnants of Donnie Wahlberg’s farts. How could they possibly surpass the pure art of a shotgun death carousel? Luckily, the Spierig Brothers recognized the truth: sometimes, misanthropic depravity isn’t found in the mind of a fictional cancer patient with a vendetta.
Read MoreOctober 27th plopped entirely too much pop culture media onto our plates. The horny Mario game, the inexplicably controversial “Wolfenstein 2” and season 2 of the colossally popular Netflix original series “Stranger Things.”
Read MoreTallahassee boasts dozens of bars, clubs and restaurants to spice up your Friday night but none are as difficult to sneak into as Madison Social. The 21+ establishment makes it as hard as possible for underage students to slip through the cracks and blackout after three mixed drinks.
Read MoreLast weekend, students with fake ID’s ranging in believability came to Recess for a night of partying, dancing and trying to not fall in the pool.
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