Inspired by her previous semester abroad and her need to unintentionally touch fingertips with her closest friends while reaching for food, Cassidy Tader decided to spend her waltz hitting Tallahassee’s hottest tapas bars, starting at Taco Bell. She gathered her most trusted squirrel-friends, donned her stretchiest high-waisted jeggings and prepared for a night of tasting every possible $1 variation of ground beef and tortilla.
“I was only going to order a bite of Beefy Fritos Burrito, a single Naked Chicken Chip and shot of Baja Blast before moving on, but then I was just like, why do that when I could get a Crunchwrap Supreme, two Doritos Locos Tacos, a large Dr. Pepper and still afford to pay my four parking tickets?” reasoned Tader, wearing her favorite ‘Home Is Where The Chalupa Is’ hoodie. “I was thinking of coming back for breakfast tomorrow for one-quarter of a breakfast quesadilla, a bite of a hash brown dipped in cheese and a cappuccino sized cup of burnt coffee, but I got frustrated thinking about the lack of ethnically diverse food options in Tallahassee, so I’ll probably just stay home and make Facebook event pages for trying new restaurants every Friday through May 2018.”
Not every member of Tader’s party was thrilled to ride out the night at Taco Bell. “Honestly, I tried convincing the party to migrate to Tacospeak for queso and then stumble down to Chipotle for just a little diarrhea, but everyone screamed about their bank accounts and squeezed packets of Diablo sauce into my eyes,” sniffled a burn-stricken Lex Garland, Tader’s second-tier friend and roommate who was extended an invitation only after overhearing her plans. “I’m quite hurt but I also don’t know any other restaurant to suggest in this tapas forsaken town. And if Cassidy isn’t going to appreciate my opinion then I won’t even give her this single fun-size bag of M&M’s and Target dollar section strand of fairy lights I got her as a birthday present!”
After ordering a two pack of Cinnabon Delights and sharing them amongst the group of eight, Tader and her friends eventually stumbled out of Taco Bell at 2 a.m., which is the time they normally arrive every other night of the week. Even though the tapas night never left Taco Bell, the group agreed it was better than the time she vomited into her purse outside of Bajas and immediately tried to hit on the bouncer who watched it happen.