Passionate Sign Spinner Stages Full Production of "Hamlet" on Sidewalk

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On the corner of one of Tallahassee’s busiest intersections, Justin “Flips” Granger has been working as a human billboard for 3 months. He reportedly began the job to pay off parking tickets and the credit card debt he accrued with “Kim Kardashian: Hollywood” in-app microtransactions, but he claims to have developed a passion for the work. On Wednesday, Justin elevated his work to new heights: Shakespearean tragedy.

“I’m the best in the industry, I’m the Prince of human billboards; I’m a fucking rockstar. There’s nothing I can’t do. I lit a sign on fire yesterday and threw it like a paper airplane and it came right back to me. I am a GOD in these streets,” said Flips, bouncing back and forth listening to Fort Minor. “I reached the boundaries of sign spinning so I had no choice but to innovate. I’m breathing art back into this business. I’m also doing this to get credit in TPP3103.”

Pedestrians and drivers alike stopped along the road to watch as Justin pulled a horse-drawn carriage onto the sidewalk. The carriage popped open and out came a handful of costumed players and Justin, dressed in his standard Dri-FIT polo and worn sneakers. The vehicle was full of fresh signs which Justin pulled out and arranged in neat stacks. Without warning, the troupe began to act out “Hamlet.”

Justin himself played the role of the eponymous hero and had all of his lines printed on large canvas signs. The lines had been altered to include the names of over 200 businesses, such as “To a Puff4Less— go,” “Nothing is rotten in the state of Zoë’s Kitchen,” and “To sleep, perchance to dream - ay, there's the discount, for in this Sleep Gallery what deals may come…”

Traffic backed up for miles and seven accidents happened over the course of the show, but when the actors took their bow and Justin flipped the last sign, only five pedestrians and one actor had died and the crowd that had gathered erupted in thunderous applause. The rest was silence.