Grades so low you're thinking of dropping out? Considering joining a multi-level marketing company and calling it a career because you have no options left? Try these fun, definitely-not-illegal tips instead and see if you can finish this semester with grades that will make your parents love you again.

Results from the first stage of the French presidential election rolled in yesterday, an extreme relief to nervous European investment markets.

With graduation less than a month away, Florida State University has broken the Guinness world record for most people exhibiting the acute stress response simultaneously.

Listen up you moist banana nut muffins, Brew yourself a nice cup of Tazo Zen tea, which a certain knockout actress who also practices Transcendental Meditation would probably love, because I’m about to delve into a highly controversial topic.

Thirsty Thursday took a wild but somehow unsurprising turn this week when area senior Haidi Khan downed a seventh tequila shot and clambered her way onto the Recess bar.

Confirmed by none of his high school school classmates, 20-year-old pawn in a pyramid scheme and self-proclaimed entrepreneur Mike Pachowski has definitely almost made his first billion by now.

Moments before the commencement of Statistical Neuroscience 4233, FSU sophomore Anthony Sinclair struggled to unlock his iPhone with his fingerprint, as his palms were covered in cold sweat.

With students returning to campus after spring break, many landlords are being called in to remove dead lizard colonies and bricks of black mold that accumulated at the same rate as liver disease.

Sophomores Tyler Burrows and Jessica Cassel, or as they beg their friends to call them, Tessica, shocked friends and family on Wednesday afternoon with a public display of affection that would make that couple from The Notebook barter for reincarnation just so they could die again.

After a full month of uninterrupted exposure to rose bouquets and heart-shaped balloons at every corner, sophomore Dart Gilliam still somehow managed to forget the wondrous holiday invented to make even the most loveable people feel worthless.

Each morning as the sun rises, journalists eager to have their turn at doing God’s work type up articles condemning the atrocities being propagated by President Steve Ban- we mean, Donald Trump.