Friend Who Went to Planet X15-Z for Spring Break Won't Stop Talking About It
As spring break comes to an end and grocery stores everywhere begin restocking Pedialyte for actual children to drink, friends have begun to brace for the inevitable verbal brag-fest from their most annoying friend. One of these individuals is Hunter Stills, who after spending the week on the Planet X15-Z, has not been able to talk about anything else.
“She is so obsessed with herself. God, we get it! You were not only able to surpass the feats of humankind, but also the limits of known physics to travel to a hospitable planet populated by technologically superior beings,” said Freddy as he hid his jealousy by liking all of Hunter’s social media posts, including the picture of her new ‘wanderlust’ tattoo written in the same language as the heptapods from the film ‘Arrival.’ “She is so privileged to be able to go on all these fancy trips. Not everyone has a rich mom and dad who practice the ancient magic of the one true extraterrestrial lord of time and space, Durg the Almighty. Some of us have to be satisfied with settling for an Earth beach for spring break.”
In previous years, Hunter’s friends have had to hear her blabber on about going to Barcelona, SXSW and the timeless fifth dimension where human consciousness transforms into perpetual energy. Although they humor her like any good friend or intensely passive aggressive rival would, they are getting tired of having to read all her tweets about how much her life has changed since she briefly dematerialized after seeing a star die.
“It was honestly such a life changing experience, you know? Being able to link my human thoughts with the locals of X15-Z for a week really broadened my view of our intergalactic universe,” said Hunter as she changed her Facebook cover photo to a picture of her swimming in Glarphomium 9, a substance that NASA theorized to be impossible to sustain in a hospitable atmosphere. “And don’t get me wrong, I’m totally interested in hearing about how my friends hung out with their cousins at a pool party, but I have to tell them first about the time my X15-Z friend pounded back a shot of Fireball and then burped out a planetary ring!”