Following the season premiere of a last-minute digital media productions project beyond trash television reality show documenting the exploits of privilege left unchecked, President Thrasher announced that the student body has clearly learned its lesson on the dangers of reckless drinking and toxic social behaviors and that all Greek life has been re-established on campus, effective immediately.
Read MoreIn an extremely sad but not at all shocking turn of events, Jimbo Fisher has resigned his position as head football coach and Maxxinista of FSU to accept a coaching position at Texas A&M University.
Read MoreSurprise! Suwannee is closing its doors at the end of the semester for renovations to keep up with Sodexo’s strange and quirky “FSUnique” trend of off-brand restaurants that only exist to make your taste buds sad and unfulfilled.
Read MoreThanksgiving is over and the holiday shopping season just plopped its big juicy ass right in our laps.
Read MoreThrasher’s decision to suspend all Greek life with the exception of the completely ethical and definitely not a scam lettered honor societies has resulted in all RSO-related functions becoming alcohol free.
Read MoreAfter securing the first woman to headline FSU’s Warchant, the Homecoming committee has announced that Solange Knowles has canceled her upcoming appearance, which is only good news for that guy you blocked on Facebook for sharing unsubstantiated articles about Tr*mp’s distant familial connections to Napoleon Bonaparte.
Read MoreFollowing a fall student election in which the only political party on campus filled just half of available student Senate seats, the megaminds behind the Advance Party, burning with passion, decided that all FSU needed to inspire student involvement was a new name and logo.
Read MoreGreek Life is an integral part of the FSU community, along with painting brown face on a student at the start of every home game and protecting the statue of a slave owner.
Read MoreWith less than one month until Warchant, the anticipation surrounding the announcement of a headlining act has come to a boiling point.
Read MoreFor one oddly specific period of time each Wednesday, students are able to waste their time between classes browsing random items from local vendors.
Read MoreFollowing the completely batshit turnout for Once Upon A Drag at Club Downunder, which included a line that passed free condoms to patrons all the way from the union to Railroad Square, Pride has cut ties with the club in search of a bigger venue to refrain from obstructing traffic.
Read MoreAs Florida State students are struggling to find an excuse other than being “too busy cheering our football team to victory” to focus on grades this semester, the administration has been busy finding ways to worsen the already terrible parking situation.
Read MoreIt’s about that time, folks! Thanks to all the oblivious ding-dongs that actually fall for those fake account expiration emails, FSU’s newly implemented mandatory password reset has plagued our student accounts once again.
Read MoreIt’s college ranking season again, which means it’s time to fulfill the annual tradition of wondering why your university falls six places below the Colorado School of Mines.
Read MoreAnthropology professor Jeff Kimbrel is a simple man. After he wakes up in the morning, he fills up his Coffee Makes Me Poop! travel mug with light roast coffee, squeezes his two-person Smart Car in between the Napleton Infiniti cars that are still at the Saint Augustine Garage and prints of all of his material for the day -- double-sided.
Read More“OK Googie, show me the memey,” are the words Mimi Jacobs spoke that sparked the tragedy on campus this week as twenty were sent to Tallahassee Memorial Hospital with internal bleeding and shart in their pants on Tuesday after Mimi surprised her peers with a very funny meme on slide 9 of her Prezi.
Read MoreWith the arrival of Fall semester, students are beginning to settle in and faculty are becoming more comfortable in their classrooms.
Read MoreGreetings everyone at Florida State University except for Eppes statue supporters!
Read MoreFollowing the suspension of FSU’s Zeta Beta Tau fraternity due to “forced consumption of food, alcohol, and drugs” and “physical violence” against their own members, many brothers have continued repping their cursed letters, despite their poor Greek organization serving as a lightning rod for criticism and corruption.
Read MoreIt’s funny how we do this; try to wrap up an extraordinary experience with some words about how much it meant, how it changed us, how we do not know what we would have done without it. It is performative. It is overdone. It is self-indulgent. I’m doing it anyway.
Read More
