“OK Googie, show me the memey,” are the words Mimi Jacobs spoke that sparked the tragedy on campus this week as twenty were sent to Tallahassee Memorial Hospital with internal bleeding and shart in their pants on Tuesday after Mimi surprised her peers with a very funny meme on slide 9 of her Prezi.
Mimi’s meme hospitalized the entire class and their professor, Martin Ramsay. “In my forty years of teaching English I have never been so caught off guard,” said Ramsay, spooning jello into his lap while recovering in bed at TMH. “When I see a Prezi at this point my brain shuts off. Whoa it’s a Bollywood action powerpoint with the ZOOMS. Forgive me if I don’t nut my Old Navy’s lookin’ at grammar explained in the form of an art museum. Mimi, though, that fresh bastard.” After babbling incoherently for another 30 seconds, Ramsay began to laugh about the very funny meme again and hospital staff delivered a sedative before it got out of control.
While no life threatening injuries were sustained in the incident, some students were still unconscious and smiling. None of the students we spoke to had the fortitude to recall the meme for us and hospital staff refused to clean up any more shart. We had no option but to speak to the memey supremey herself.
“I’m very sorry about what I’ve done,” said Jacobs, writing strictly meme-free letters of apology to her peers. “It was, without exaggeration, just like the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Only instead of their faces melting, it was their sharty butts. I wanted to make friends and impress my teacher but my memey was too funny. No one from class will look at me because they’ll bust into laughter. I’m an outcast. Dr. Ramsay gave me an A for the semester and told me not to come to class anymore, and the FCC has given me strict instructions to delete the memey. My Googie Drive is being monitored by the UN and I’ve gotten six emails asking me to go on VICELAND.”
UPDATE - Sept 18 9:14 AM EST -
Mimi Jacobs taken into custody by Interpol.