It's the time of year where tensions are high exclusively for those who were safety patrols in the fifth grade and wanted to continue their involvement into college.
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Florida State’s College of Motion Picture Arts is regarded by many as no-fucking-joke, especially to the Digital Media Production majors who were rejected because they didn't already have three student Emmys under their belts.
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Noting that Books™ preach a correlation between a change in interior design with adulthood success once former children leave for university, moms everywhere are tickled pink at the sight of a fresh coat of beige paint, white bedding and lukewarm family memories strewn lovingly across the walls.
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In the spirit of giving this holiday season, I’ve decided to give everyone the greatest gift of all: the pleasure of hearing me complain.
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It’s almost time for winter break, so get ready for that inevitable three weeks of doing nothing but watching reruns of Law and Order: SVU, Everybody Hates Chris and holiday movies that serve no other purpose than to exist as white noise.
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If, over the last two years, you've read an Eggplant FSU article that centered on cats or weed or cats and weed, it’s likely that I pitched the headline. That’s because if there’s anything I’ve learned at my time here at FSU, it’s that cats and weed are fucking hilarious. A photoshopped picture of a cat smoking weed? Peak comedy, baby!
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With finals week in full swing, many students at FSU are scrambling to activate their three remaining brain cells to condense the knowledge of a whole semester into a few hours overnight in Strozier.
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Chris, or Kyle, is it? These last sixteen weeks have been nothing short of magical.
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From the series of torrential downpours plaguing Tallahassee this past weekend, it's pretty obvious that God is starting a second flood to punish the Chads and Brads of the Interfraternity Council for once again dishonoring the school but somehow still making their alumni proud.
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These skills will also help you with finals!
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The weather outside is truly frightful, which means it’s that time of year when every 5-foot-7 guy on campus with an overly muscular neck and decked out muffler shows off his cojones-of-steel to the rest of us coddled pansies.
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Despite students’ complaints of drowning in several thousands of dollars of loans, it’s that time of year again where everyone is barraged with messages to donate toward a philanthropy without literally any explanation other than that "it's for a good cause."
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Over the past 48 hours, FSU's student body has experienced all five stages of grief over the end of our 2,191-day streak of never having lost to UF in the beautiful game of football.
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We all know the obnoxious bell that plays three times a day, followed by slightly delayed rings from a nearby church.
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Listen, I like to know everything that goes on in my hallway and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. As an RA, you're getting paid to be the Sherlock Holmes of FSU by looking out your peephole and listening intently as people converse in front of your door.
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Florida State’s recent loss against Notre Dame may have been inevitable, but fans were not expecting the single greatest sportsball actor visiting the game to show his support for the school whose mascot isn't even a real hunchback.
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Veterans Day is more than an excuse to miss class and get absolutely plastered at 10 a.m. on a Monday – it’s also about honoring those that have served in the military in a tasteful and gratuitous way.
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November 6th is approaching and everyone is on a yearly political high. If you haven't been drinking your alternative milk or carrying it around as a means to defend yourself whenever bigotry arises, the time to do so would definitely be now.
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In recent years, FSU has climbed through the ranks to become one of the Top 25 Preeminent Baddies and now sits at an uncomfortable 26, right on the cusp of being memorable enough that it will no longer be mixed up with UF by anyone outside of Florida.
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When 5 p.m. rolls around every Sunday, there is no place I would rather be than browsing the lawless seminoles.com, fighting my fellow classmates to the death for a chance to stand for three hours on bleachers even though there's nothing stopping us from just sitting down.
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