To the Guy I Never Talked to in My 9:30 AM Class: I Have Feelings for You

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Chris, or Kyle, is it? These last sixteen weeks have been nothing short of magical. We may have never made eye contact or spoken to each other in a significant way, but the disgruntled “thanks” you utter every time I pass back the attendance sign-in sheet tells me all I need to know. You with your backward cap covering the hair you slept in too late to wash this morning, and me, popping caffeine pills just to take notes for this hour and a half long lecture–we were a match made in heaven. I know that with you, I have found a best friend, a lover and a man brave enough to try and get parking on campus for a 9:30 a.m. class.

“Who are you?” noted Dr. Bell, the man who brought us together in between never paying attention to us and bragging about the book he got published five years ago. “No, I don’t want to come to your wedding. Were you even enrolled in this class?” he said, with that classic sense of humor that made me want him to officiate our wedding in the first place. “How did you even find my house? When I said I was always available for any questions, I meant exclusively during my office hours. This is my daughter’s fourth birthday party. I’m calling the police,” noted our professor – or should I say, the guardian angel who united us in love. I cannot wait to hear his sultry yet scared voice recite the “love is patient, love is kind” Bible verse during our ceremony.

“Her? Yeah, I guess she looks kinda familiar, but I don’t know. I was hungover at least half of the time I was in that class,” said my future husband, participating in a little role play where we pretend to be complete strangers (you have to spice things up when you’ve been together for as long as we have). “I honestly only took this class because my girlfriend was in it last semester, and she’s like smart and whatever and said she’d give me all her old tests,” which was a bit of a strange comment because I’m in the class this semester, you silly billy! Whatever. I guess the proper term is fiance now, anyway. I cannot wait to spend our lives together and for me to take your last name –  whatever that may actually be.

I knew there was a reason I always dressed nicely for just the first week of classes. It was in those first impressions that I caught your eye and then immediately lost it once you had apologized for knocking over my coffee, scalding me with second-degree burns. But I could never stay mad at you because I know we're meant to spend the rest of our lives together. That’s why I’ve hacked the Registrar and found out what classes you’re taking next semester, so we can always be together. Because at the end of the day, you’ll always be mine to have, to hold and to ask for notes from the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.

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The Eggplant FSU