If Tennessee Street Could Talk, It Would Say “Thank God FSU Has Barry Jenkins”

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Florida State’s College of Motion Picture Arts is regarded by many as no-fucking-joke, especially to the Digital Media Production majors who were rejected because they didn't already have three student Emmys under their belts. One of the lucky few to survive our school’s fiercely competitive film program, and we're talking like, RuPaul’s Drag Race competitive, is award-winning filmmaker Barry Jenkins and Oscar usurper. If we're being honest, we don’t even deserve this king or his latest tour de force If Beale Street Could Talk. According to inside sources, Jenkin’s talent as a director has put him at the top of the list for savior-figures able to bring our football team to a championship title. Unfortunately, he’s been tad busy breaking monumental barriers for all people in the film industry. At last, FSU has something to be proud of, and no, it’s not becoming a basketball school –  and the best news of all: our one accomplishment is in theaters now!

“I wasn’t even aware movie theaters were still a thing before my English teacher offered us extra credit to see If Beale Street Could Talk. I was even less aware that a greater film than Scarface existed, but I was wrong again! You’re telling me this movie was made by a #Nole and I’m just hearing about it now?” questioned junior Zach Collins while downloading the Fandango app onto the iPhone 5e he typically used exclusively for running the last remaining iFunny account. “The film followed the lives of two lovers separated by an unfair justice system in the 1970s, showing just how racially biased the world used to be. Thank goodness those days are behind us, amiright? I should've known something this groundbreaking came out of the best and most racially equitable college in the world!”

“Unlike the neanderthals that walk this campus, I knew who Barry Jenkins was long before the Academy Awards Best Picture shitstorm. I’ve already reserved an entire local coffee shop you’ve never heard of for my Oscar watch party and zine launch so I can see him accept this year’s Best Picture award for Beale Street as it happens,” commented Bernard Banks as he jotted down the finishing touches to his review of the film on his “underappreciated” Letterboxd account. “There! Now my glowing review of Beale Street can keep my 2001: A Space Odyssey and Fight Club exposés company. I just hope this movie is more appreciated now that the school has nothing else. And if Barry Jenkins comes back to the school like he did for Moonlight, I’ll be first in the Q&A line to ask him ‘What advice do you have for an aspiring filmmaker that’s a Creative Writing major?’”

Once again, it’s time for the school to pretend the majority of the student body appreciates the arts and show some support for Barry Jenkins' entire existence, artistry and most importantly, his ability to bring positive publicity to the school. Whether you are a complete movie nerd or an average Joe just learning that movie theaters still exist (and have $5 Tuesday specials), go support one of the most beautifully crafted films of the year that just so happened to be helmed by a fellow Nole.

The Eggplant FSU