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The Eggplant
Fraternity to Hand out Bibles on Halloween to Maintain Christian Persona
Fraternity to Hand out Bibles on Halloween to Maintain Christian Persona

The cold weather approaching marks the return of a period where your distant Aunt Gertrude swears that mildly cold temperatures mean that global warming is a bunch of liberal hullabaloo and when students realize that showing up to class is perhaps necessary to pass.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 23, 2018
Marching Chiefs Announce Trip to France Upon Remembering “World Renowned” Means You Should Leave the Country Once Every 20 Years
Marching Chiefs Announce Trip to France Upon Remembering “World Renowned” Means You Should Leave the Country Once Every 20 Years

Nothing screams football like the warbled groans of FSU’s very own Marching Chiefs as they're told to play the War Chant for the 93rd time in one quarter

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 16, 2018
Biggest Let Down of Fall 2018: Willie Taggart or Tennessee Street Target?
Biggest Let Down of Fall 2018: Willie Taggart or Tennessee Street Target?

Spirits were high in late August as students filed back into Tallahassee with hopes of a winning football season and a luxurious new Target resting on top of the spot tons of Coliseum regulars have definitely thrown up on.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 15, 2018
S.A.F.E. Bus Drivers Exclusively Certified by Playing GTA V
S.A.F.E. Bus Drivers Exclusively Certified by Playing GTA V

After learning about all the convenient transportation options on campus from your friendly neighborhood Orientation Leader, your mom is probably insisting you take the S.A.F.E. Connection Van (or, for you locals, the S.A.F.E. Bus) to get to Strozier for your late night study session at 1 a.m. on a regular ol’ Tuesday.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 2, 2018
Op Ed: Willie Taggart Saved My Relationship With My Dad
Op Ed: Willie Taggart Saved My Relationship With My Dad

Recently, Willie Taggart has received a lot of criticism and racist comments from people who forgot they were on Facebook and not 4Chan.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 1, 2018
Op Ed: I Am a Woman, and I’m Not Writing on the Board for a Group
Op Ed: I Am a Woman, and I’m Not Writing on the Board for a Group

While the struggles of working with male classmates are obvious, based on all previous interactions with men, the most pressing issue facing Women of Group Projects is their forced position as group writer.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 28, 2018
CDU Presents: Your Dad at The Wilbury
CDU Presents: Your Dad at The Wilbury

With parents weekend finally coming to a close, you can now say good riddance to spontaneous adventures to Whataburger at 3a.m. following a wicked romp at The Strip's AYCD.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 27, 2018
Parents Weekend Game Halftime Show Just Mom Demonstrating How to Properly Load Dishwasher For Good-For-Nothing Son
Parents Weekend Game Halftime Show Just Mom Demonstrating How to Properly Load Dishwasher For Good-For-Nothing Son

It was a good weekend for the Noles, who took home an 18-point victory against the Northern Illinois Huskies, a team we are unsure actually exist but hey, a win’s a win!

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 25, 2018
Breaking: Model UN Program Just LARP Rejects!
Breaking: Model UN Program Just LARP Rejects!

With the month of September coming to an end, it's safe to assume that most students on campus have tried to join at least one club and ended up leaving or being told to "try out again next semester."  

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 21, 2018
Seminole Dining Rebrands "Steak 'n Shake" As "Snake ’n Shake"
Seminole Dining Rebrands "Steak 'n Shake" As "Snake ’n Shake"

After FSU's Food and Drug Administration finally agreed to hear the cries of our hungry, tired student body, we will no longer be forced to chase down the infamous Stake n’ Shake food truck in hopes of munchin’ on some temperate hamburgers, strangely soft fries or even sip on the ghost of spoiled milkshakes’ past.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 20, 2018
FSU to Subsidize Emotional Support Cats for Freshmen Trying Weed for First Time
FSU to Subsidize Emotional Support Cats for Freshmen Trying Weed for First Time

In a surprisingly liberal turn of events this week, the administration at Florida State has decided to provide access to emotional support cats for every freshman that hits a poorly-rolled blunt once at a dorm pregame and immediately throws up or becomes convinced that the FBI is stationed outside of Landis Hall with heat-detecting cameras.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 18, 2018
Marching Chiefs Change Name to ‘Marching Chefs’ After Eggplant's Twitter Spelling Error Fiasco
Marching Chiefs Change Name to ‘Marching Chefs’ After Eggplant's Twitter Spelling Error Fiasco

Spelling errors happen all the time: in simple texts to friends, important papers that are worth 98% of your grade and even in your resume, which is definitely the reason why that internship didn't hire you.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 12, 2018
Freshman Who Carries All His Textbooks Gets Confidence Boost from Seeing Turnover Backpack
Freshman Who Carries All His Textbooks Gets Confidence Boost from Seeing Turnover Backpack

Few feelings can compete with the amount of exhilaration and euphoria that comes with watching your football team barely achieve their first victory of the season against an unknown team they’d already paid an indecent amount of money to face off against.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 10, 2018
Future Installment of Mad Max to Feature Woodward Garage
Future Installment of Mad Max to Feature Woodward Garage

If you've thought of parking literally anywhere on campus after 9 am, you must either hate yourself or are prepared to enter into a deathmatch with dozens of other drivers in any of the small, already filled parking garages.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 7, 2018
FSU Buries Dirt From Doak In Sod Cemetery, Proclaims "We Beat Ourselves In Our Own Game"
FSU Buries Dirt From Doak In Sod Cemetery, Proclaims "We Beat Ourselves In Our Own Game"

FSU's community found itself in shambles after yesterday's heartbreaking game, where we were not tragically beaten by a team with a mascot probably named after the Hokey Pokey, but by our own offensive players.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 4, 2018
If Willie Taggart’s Pep Talk Is Anything Like My Spin Instructor’s, We’re Destined for Victory
If Willie Taggart’s Pep Talk Is Anything Like My Spin Instructor’s, We’re Destined for Victory

Good morning to every frat boy who has risen from the dead after puking their brains out last night and is now officially ready to rally for today's game! Today marks a historic day for FSU as our football team plays their first game with Willie Taggart as head coach.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 3, 2018
Pow Wow Performer Revealed as Mark Zeigler After Search for Morally Sound Comedian Falls Short
Pow Wow Performer Revealed as Mark Zeigler After Search for Morally Sound Comedian Falls Short

With the start of football season reminding us that the only real worth this school has lies in our ability to toss around a giant Cadbury egg for four hours at a time, the hype surrounding FSU’s legendary concert has begun to sweep through campus.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 2, 2018
The Eggplant’s Helpful Guide to FSU for Incoming Freshmen
The Eggplant’s Helpful Guide to FSU for Incoming Freshmen

Starting college can be scary, even if you didn’t attend a virtual high school like that one kid from Queer Eye. Luckily for you, the super hot, cool and well-adjusted writers on our staff have compiled helpful tips for getting through your first week of school!

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The Eggplant FSUAugust 27, 2018
You’ve Woken Up the Day After a Party to Find You’ve Stolen the Host’s Dog. What Now?
You’ve Woken Up the Day After a Party to Find You’ve Stolen the Host’s Dog. What Now?

Life is full of regrets isn’t it?

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The Eggplant FSUApril 19, 2018
Art School Bully Adds 300 Plaster Molds of Own Butt to Peers’ Installations
Art School Bully Adds 300 Plaster Molds of Own Butt to Peers’ Installations

This week, artists graduating from the BFA and MFA programs will be displaying their final works as students in the FSU Museum of Fine Arts.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 11, 2018
Newer Older

  • The Eggplant FSU
    I haven’t showered since last year😭
    Apr 5, 2023, 8:42 AM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Investigation into where the fuck those red chairs on landis went
    Apr 2, 2023, 1:42 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    We are unbelievably upset by the accusations laid out in this totally real letter we received. We will continue to… https://t.co/rl1b2cYlY5
    Apr 1, 2023, 2:51 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    hey fools, happy april🤭
    Apr 1, 2023, 1:23 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Damn, this class is keeping me late🤯🤯🤯 (it ends at 4:20)
    Mar 29, 2023, 4:19 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    If our song and mirrorball are gone, what do i have to look forward to for the tampa show, taylor???? (i don’t have tickets)
    Mar 29, 2023, 1:30 PM

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