CDU Presents: Your Dad at The Wilbury
With parents weekend finally coming to a close, you can now say good riddance to spontaneous adventures to Whataburger at 3a.m. following a wicked romp at The Strip's AYCD. Students everywhere are excited at the idea of not having to hear their dads ask their roommates to "pull their finger," and exhibiting strange Facebook videos at full volume until at least Thanksgiving. Unfortunately for your peace of mind and social status, big daddy-o is back three days later after mysteriously finagling his way into headlining at The Wilbury on September 27th for Club Downunder.
"My daughter hates this, but I went up to every table at Kickback Before Kickoff and asked the most intricate questions about clubs. I just like to be in the know and see what the 'cool kids' are doing," commented dedicated father and former little league coach of two disgruntled FSU students, Jerry Paulson, as he took his phone out of his belt clip and used voice-to-text to message CDU's Hospitality Team. "I figured that telling my daughter's peers embarrassing stories of her wetting the bed at age seven would be a great way to make friends. Those are always a hit at my law firm's casual Friday luncheons. But don't worry, I won't tell them about the one time she ate baked beans during a showing of Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again and sharted from excitement during the opening credits."
"This dude told us he was in a rock band in college, so we assumed he has some sort of talent. We have no idea what his set is, but his enthusiasm for casually slipping Seinfeld quotes into conversations really inspired us," said Jaaz Sky, CDU's Programming Director, as she adjusted one of her four nose rings while reading a zine on up-and-coming hyper-underground Indie artists that don't exist yet. "He requested a whoopie cushion, a meter stick and a bag of hard boiled eggs with no explanation; he didn't want to waste any rehearsal time and said that art didn't need any explanation. We've been scrambling for talent since we lost the Union. The freshmen are too afraid to leave campus past sunset."
While it may not seem important to you, it's a huge break for your dad and it would mean the world to him if you and your brother came out to support him as he reads aloud jokes directly stolen from the "Stand Up for Dummies" book he purchased with Groupon's mobile app. CDU has been working hard to provide such quality content and dropped a shit ton of money on booking fees for him, so it's the least you can do. All you have to do is call the SAFE Van and they'll zoom through the space/time continuum to make sure you make it to his performance on schedule. And remember, if you walk in with the excuse of "being late," he’s definitely going to respond with: "hi late, I’m dad!” Embrace it!