Op Ed: Willie Taggart Saved My Relationship With My Dad

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Recently, Willie Taggart has received a lot of criticism and racist comments from people who forgot they were on Facebook and not 4Chan. However, thanks to Taggart and his strange-but-somehow-working football tactics, our recent phone calls have lasted longer than 45 seconds and father-daughter-relationships have been saved everywhere. Normally, my dad only calls me every three weeks to ask if I need any money or to make sure that I'm alive, kicking and not disappointing him. Whenever he calls, I can hear him breathing heavily into the phone receiver, just waiting for me to hang up first. Although Taggart's wins are few and fairly devoid of clout, he's given my father and I the gift of a single conversation for our obligatory Sunday phone calls.  

When we win, my dad talks my ear off about incredible plays by the offensive line, such as Deondre Francois kissing Ricky Aguayo on the mouth, or whatever helped us win that Northern Louisville game. On the days we lose, it’s back to discussing the color of my dog’s poop and why I'm not majoring in Business Administration. If I’m being completely honest, I just don't enjoy anything about LinkedIn or wearing suits to class to let everyone know I’ve never made my partner orgasm. If throwing around sporty words like “off-sides,” or “long snapper” is what's necessary to keep my father on the phone for more than 3 minutes and 37 seconds, then I'm willing to make that sacrifice.    

In a 3 hour and 48 minute conversation with my mother, she suggested that I burn a witch candle and meditate on my deep-seated issues with my father. She then mailed me a care package which included essential oils, a voodoo doll of my Intro to Hospitality professor, and a thoughtful note detailing her love for me.  She also included a treatise of her pride in my willingness to pursue a creative major, and intersectional feminist Ida B. Wells’ inspirational quote, “Love your dad even though he’s a big, dumb man.”

Who knows what my father and I will talk about once football season is over, probably his excitement over the new opening of his favorite restaurant, O’Charley’s, in Bradenton, but I’ll embrace this winning streak. I’m going to take advantage of the attention my father gives me now because we'll eventually regress to him calling me once every three weeks to relieve himself of his own fatherly guilt. I’d like to extend a sincere thank you to Willie Taggart from not only me, but from my dad as well. Without the recent success Florida State has found in football, my conversations with my dad would still be consisting of what kind of sub he ate for dinner and why he didn’t win his last squash match.

The Eggplant FSU