Parents Weekend Game Halftime Show Just Mom Demonstrating How to Properly Load Dishwasher For Good-For-Nothing Son

It was a good weekend for the Noles, who took home an 18-point victory against the Northern Illinois Huskies, a team we are unsure actually exist but hey, a win’s a win! While managing to hold on to the lead throughout the entire game surely boosted the morale of the anxious, family-filled crowd, it was the highly-anticipated halftime show that kept the audience on their toes. Spectators were shocked to find that it was not FSU’s renowned Marching Chiefs performing, but rather, someone’s mom demonstrating to her son how to load a dishwasher in front of the entirety of Doak Campbell Stadium.

“Embarrassed doesn’t even begin to describe it. This is worse than the time she showed up at my senior prom to double-check if I had put on enough Old Spice,” commented FSU Sophomore Alex Cradle, who was flabbergasted upon realizing that it was his mother, Cindy, meticulously loading a dishwasher smackdab in the middle of the football field. Watching his mother rinse and repeat his Batman plates and Spongebob utensils in front of 80,000 people really had him contemplating over just how she managed to achieve this stunt. “My mom has always loved nagging me, but this is on an entirely new level. I have so many questions. What made her want to do something like this? Where did she get a prop dishwasher? Who let her on the field?”

“No mother sits idly by after discovering her son plays Jenga with dirty dishes every night as they pile up in the sink. I wasn’t expecting Alex’s dishware to glisten like Queen Elizabeth’s fine China, but drastic times call for drastic measures,” exclaimed flustered mother Cindy Cradle as she gesticulated to her son the proper motions of erasing dried Dinosaur Eggs oatmeal from his Tupperware bowls. “He’s twenty years old and still calls me every two weeks to ask if his pleated khakis are dryer-safe and whether or not hand soap can be used as shampoo. I knew what I had to do – even if it meant my Pumpkin would never be looked upon by his fraternity brothers the same way ever again.”

While going to town on a cookie sheet with a scrub daddy may not be everyone’s forte, one can assume that Cradle’s stunt will definitely make her son think twice before letting a pyramid of dishes pile up in his rusty sink from here on out. Although it is unclear just how many dank quiches Mrs. Cradle had to whip up in order to get on that football field, it is certain that all walks of student life took home something much more valuable than a football win and moderate alcohol poisoning on that fateful day.

The Eggplant FSU