In the same style as a Super Smash Bros. game, a new challenger has entered the campus election armed and ready with Strozier's multimedia computers to beat down elbow rubbers, brown nosers and jacket chasers with a single cut and paste.
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Following the limited reinstatement of the recruitment process and philanthropic events for Greek organizations on campus, many members are readjusting to the reality that part of Thrasher’s new normal includes toning down the partying and toning up the philanthropy, as well as nose-breathing and being polite to strangers.
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The start of the new semester is a time when students pretend to care about learning for all of syllabus week before never showing up to a class their parents paid $700 for again.
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Welcome to Tallahassee, Florida: the craziest college town in America.
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Since his election to the position of Student Body President last Spring, Kyle Hill has been trying to relieve the stress of his executive duties in a healthy way: pumping iron and doing spin classes at FSU’s popular student gym, the Leach Center.
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With the dated evil of Blackboard nothing but a weird fever dream of error walls and late updates, you’d think Canvas would feel like a breath of fresh air for professors and students alike. Little did we know, the shift would essentially be read as the largest insult to mankind, with instructors retaliating in the most asinine sense of the word.
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Following the season premiere of a last-minute digital media productions project beyond trash television reality show documenting the exploits of privilege left unchecked, President Thrasher announced that the student body has clearly learned its lesson on the dangers of reckless drinking and toxic social behaviors and that all Greek life has been re-established on campus, effective immediately.
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In an extremely sad but not at all shocking turn of events, Jimbo Fisher has resigned his position as head football coach and Maxxinista of FSU to accept a coaching position at Texas A&M University.
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Surprise! Suwannee is closing its doors at the end of the semester for renovations to keep up with Sodexo’s strange and quirky “FSUnique” trend of off-brand restaurants that only exist to make your taste buds sad and unfulfilled.
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Thanksgiving is over and the holiday shopping season just plopped its big juicy ass right in our laps.
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Thrasher’s decision to suspend all Greek life with the exception of the completely ethical and definitely not a scam lettered honor societies has resulted in all RSO-related functions becoming alcohol free.
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After securing the first woman to headline FSU’s Warchant, the Homecoming committee has announced that Solange Knowles has canceled her upcoming appearance, which is only good news for that guy you blocked on Facebook for sharing unsubstantiated articles about Tr*mp’s distant familial connections to Napoleon Bonaparte.
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Following a fall student election in which the only political party on campus filled just half of available student Senate seats, the megaminds behind the Advance Party, burning with passion, decided that all FSU needed to inspire student involvement was a new name and logo.
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Greek Life is an integral part of the FSU community, along with painting brown face on a student at the start of every home game and protecting the statue of a slave owner.
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With less than one month until Warchant, the anticipation surrounding the announcement of a headlining act has come to a boiling point.
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For one oddly specific period of time each Wednesday, students are able to waste their time between classes browsing random items from local vendors.
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Following the completely batshit turnout for Once Upon A Drag at Club Downunder, which included a line that passed free condoms to patrons all the way from the union to Railroad Square, Pride has cut ties with the club in search of a bigger venue to refrain from obstructing traffic.
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As Florida State students are struggling to find an excuse other than being “too busy cheering our football team to victory” to focus on grades this semester, the administration has been busy finding ways to worsen the already terrible parking situation.
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It’s about that time, folks! Thanks to all the oblivious ding-dongs that actually fall for those fake account expiration emails, FSU’s newly implemented mandatory password reset has plagued our student accounts once again.
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It’s college ranking season again, which means it’s time to fulfill the annual tradition of wondering why your university falls six places below the Colorado School of Mines.
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