FSU’s Parent’s Weekend 2014 kicked off to a rainy start today. Despite the university’s fervent efforts to entertain what appears to be a massive casting call for an Old Navy commercial, FSU parents have been thus far disappointed with the weekend’s events.
Read MoreLocal flag retailers reported early Thursday morning that their entire inventory of Confederate flags has been depleted due to the increased demand generated by the arrivals of country music star Luke Bryan and former Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul.
Read MoreCast your votes and remember to uphold the garnet and gold.
Read MoreMedia Productions major and self-proclaimed film expert Corey Brown has spent all week lashing out against FSU’s renowned film program. His goal is to make it clear that he couldn’t care less about the film school and also that his feelings on the subject have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that his application to the program was just rejected for the third time.
Read MoreTo my fellow students,
My name is Stefano Cavallaro, and I’m the student body president here at Florida State University. Now, some of you may be thinking, “I don’t remember voting for this guy.” You’re right – you probably didn’t.
Read MoreEach pledge season, fraternities at Florida State University bring in a wide range of people, from white males who secretly respect females and hate themselves, to white males who openly disrespect females and love themselves. Freshman Curtis Bottoms, however, decided to rush a fraternity to be a part of the legendary hazing.
Read MoreThis morning, Chief Osceola had a rude awakening when he received the disturbing call that the beloved FSU mascot, Renegade, had spent the night at an impound lot on the charges of a parking violation.
Read MoreThis afternoon, now ex- senator John Thrasher was officially named the new president of Florida State University. Despite fervent disapproval from the majority of teachers and students, the College Republicans are about it, and will be throwing a “White Thrash Wednesday” party tomorrow night to celebrate the university’s new overlord.
Read MoreFlorida State announced last week that actor/comedian Kenan Thompson will be opening for John Mulaney at this year’s Pow Wow. This has sparked much excitement within the student body, most of whom still think Kenan is “the one who loves orange soda.”
Read MoreHeisman trophy winning quarterback Jameis Winston walked into his early morning history class on Monday wearing full shoulder pads and a helmet. According to reports, he stayed in uniform until Jimbo Fisher showed up to tell him to get the fuck out and to take his damn pads off again.
Read MoreFSU announced late Friday evening that star quarterback and all-around good guy Jameis Winston will be suspended for the entire game against conference rival Clemson.
Read MoreIn a shocking turn of events this week at FSU, a football player has been held responsible for his actions. Tuesday afternoon Jameis Winston was seen around various spots on campus yelling, “fuck her right in the pussy!”
Read MoreFlorida State University has been abuzz for weeks about tonight’s event on campus with acclaimed scientist Bill Nye. This is the most excited students have been for a non-football event since the last I’m Shmacked video.
Read MoreAfter a summer of keeping it in their pants, FSU’s nudist club “Naturally FSU” has decided to start off their activities this semester with a literal bang. The club announced this afternoon that on the eve of October’s first full moon they’ll be having the ride of their life: an all-inclusive orgy.
Read MoreAs fraternity rush comes to a close, FSU students prepare themselves to be comforted by one single thought: “at least I’m not a pledge.” However, not everyone is excited to see the yearly flood of navy blue blazers and khaki pants.
Read MoreThe start of the semester has been a rough one for Florida State University. Between a controversial presidential search, a botched new bus system, and those stupid fucking helmets, nothing has seemed to go right. Chief among these problems however is the nightmare that has become parking on campus.
Read MoreAs the FSU student body pretends to know and care what is happening with the presidential search, two names have emerged as top candidates for the position: interim president Dr. Garnett Stokes and republican senator John Thrasher. Both candidates bring their own unique qualifications to the table.
Read MoreFSU advisor Mary Belton has had a crazy beginning of fall semester. Between maintaining her hourly 30 minute coffee break, and sexting FSU presidential candidate John Thrasher, finding time to actually advise students has been difficult.
Read MoreAs FSU students returned to campus this fall, they were greeted with the sudden reality that the familiar bus routes everyone has come to know and love were completely redone in an effort to show that a presidential search isn’t the only thing FSU administration can fuck up.
Read More"Weed."- Ally Spencer
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