Advisor Might Fit in Some Advising Tomorrow, but No Promises


FSU advisor Mary Belton has had a crazy beginning of fall semester. Between maintaining her hourly 30 minute coffee break, and sexting FSU presidential candidate John Thrasher, finding time to actually advise students has been difficult.

“What students don’t understand is that advising is tough shit,” remarked Belton as she glanced out her window, just now noticing the 20+ students waiting to see her. “Why the fuck are they even still here? Drop/Add week is over. I deserve a break now. This is like trying to get Santa Claus to work New Years Eve. It’s just insensitive, you know?”

After finishing her current photoshoot on Kim Kardashian Hollywood, Belton finally felt mentally prepared to see a student, although noted she planned to send them out immediately if they weren’t at least a C lister.

“Yeah, I actually camped out in the advising office last night to get in early but then the advisors said it was mandatory donut hour and I still had to skip my 9 AM.” Said one student after returning from bathing in a sink on the 2nd floor. “I’ve never been more frustrated in my entire life.”

FSU advisors promise to keep telling students only things they already know, that is of course if they see them at all. No promises.