With Spring Break approaching slower than a frat boy “trying” to make a girl orgasm, it’s hard to pay attention in any class that involves a lecture, note-taking or any sort of thinking.
Read More
FSU’s “Beautification” initiative of its ungracefully aging campus is underway, and just as anyone who has seen the first twenty minutes of “The Princess Diaries” should know makeovers need an ugly broad to make pretty.
Read More
As the effects of global warming intensify, steadily drawing nearer the inevitable demise of the human race, many students might be thinking to themselves, “what minute behaviors can I adopt as a cog in the machine of capitalism to make myself feel better about the fate of the planet?”
Read More
Twice a semester, dread looms over Florida State University as the murmurs of tests that weigh 75% of your grade suddenly become a reality.
Read More
With midterm exams around the corner, everyone seems to be doing everything in their power to avoid studying and being productive members of society.
Read More
It’s a wicked world of dating in the 21st century for most college-aged students with dating apps and awkward house parties being just some of the ways to meet the eligible bachelors and bachelorettes of Tallahassee.
Read More
Much like United Legacy’s dumbfounding How To Get Away With Murder-esque twist in today’s SGA election, a student candidate desperate for traction and last-possible-minute attention has risen from the masses to announce his partyless bid for presidency with a single promise: to fund the makeover of Strozier’s beaten down turnstile system with Dirac Library Finances.
Read More
Paris, London, Rome, Prague – these are just a handful of the glamorous destinations that FSU Senior Brittany Randall could have visited this past weekend, surely creating memories to last a lifetime.
Read More
Unless you're a member of the large number of our campus population that cannot maintain a healthy relationship longer than 72 hours, love is certainly in the air.
Read More
If you have done goofed it like nobody’s business and decided to start dating someone during the period we affectionately like to call “The Pink Danger Zone,” you may be in trouble for the upcoming week.
Read More
Well, you horny little mongrels, it’s that time of year again. The putrid odor of all the people with actual social skills is in the air once again.
Read More
It’s shocking that some Georgia hick would feel more at home in Tallahassee than literally anyone else from Florida, yet with a higher amount of hills than people, and temperatures below freezing, northern Florida seems to be a far greater environmental shift than most Florida kids will encounter in their entire lives.
Read More
A group of freshmen was found yesterday using tactics borrowed from the kid on their floor who thinks he’s a wolf to systemically hunt and consume seniors.
Read More
Every MWF, right in the middle of the lecture, the idiot student who forgot to hit “stop” instead of “snooze” for a random alarm relishes in the crumbs of surly attention from the class.
Read More
This is sad! Alexa, play “Blur.”
Read More
The hallowed institution of Florida State University has always strived to make sure that its students feel safe and welcome no matter where they are on campus -- even though, at any given moment, 90% of the student body still feels like they don't belong.
Read More
Seasoned class Facebook page veterans once again shook their heads in dismay, raising their virtual flags at half mast to commemorate the money lost during the annual syllabus week scams.
Read More
It’s the start of a brand new year, which means there’s no better time to check up on what the planets are cooking up for you this 2019.
Read More
In a surprising turn of events for the man who has spent most of his adult life insisting to various intimate partners that size does not matter, the current administration began what is now tied for the longest government shutdown on record.
Read More