Student Nodding Head During Lecture Actually Daydreaming About Grilling Hot Dogs After Class

With Spring Break approaching slower than a frat boy “trying” to make a girl orgasm, it’s hard to pay attention in any class that involves a lecture, note-taking or any sort of thinking. Professors stand behind their podiums spewing information to unenthused, privileged twenty-somethings who are online shopping or listening to Soundcloud rappers with their “hidden” airpods tucked under their snapbacks. Time to time, you might find yourself dozing off or accidentally becoming an actively engaged student, but there’s always that one guy, sitting front and center, nodding his head and engaged in the subject matter. If you sit close enough to him, you might hear his grunts and hums as he fake pretends to understand the material. However, his secret has been revealed: he is actually just thinking about grilling up a mean hot dog after class.

“I’m definitely going to barbeque some Hebrew Nationals after class,” Ryan Porter said as he doodled a flaming wiener dog into his notebook. “I swear I’m a good student, but you can’t blame me for daydreaming about lighting up my grill and cooking up some fresh dogs. Professor MacGeraghty can only see out of her left eye, so she thinks whenever I’m nodding I’m paying attention to her, not mentally practicing my grilling technique. I don’t consider it taking advantage of her, but I do love the extra participation points I get while I’m just dreaming about slurping down a nice, juicy dog. The TA even asked me to lead a class discussion one day in April due to my ‘intrigue and furrowed brow.’”

“I can tell that little son of a bitch is never paying attention in my class,” Dr. Marge MacGeraghty, war veteran and tenured biology Professor, said as she pulled a package of cigarettes out of her purse, lighting up a cancer stick instead of Ryan’s coveted grill. “No active listener nods their head every other sentence and smiles for an entire 50-minute block. My TAs are young and naive. I see through the bullshit, and I only have one working eye! I would honestly rather the kid never show his face in the classroom again, or at least sit in the back corner to daydream about porn or whatever’s got him opening his mouth wide and slurping something down every twenty seconds.”

As this week passes by, remember that your teachers want Spring Break as much as you do and it’s not unnatural to be thinking about the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile while your teacher flips through their 40-page slideshow. It’s very rare to have a classroom full of students who actually want to be there, so any way you can show your teacher that you kind of care is better than nothing. So, if it takes nodding your head while watching the “Winning Wieners” episode of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives on your laptop with subtitles on to get by as paying attention, keep on keeping on.

The Eggplant FSU