5-Year-Old Copy of Bedford Book of Genres Ready to Do Anything for $20

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Seasoned class Facebook page veterans once again shook their heads in dismay, raising their virtual flags at half mast to commemorate the money lost during the annual syllabus week scams. Hundreds, of FSU students, made purchases from strangers on Venmo this past week--and this time, it wasn’t for weed. However, amongst the online exchange of goods and money that even Jeff Bezos was impressed by, a lone Bedford Book of Genres remained unclaimed, as freshmen passed on it, fearing the deeply unhappy grad student teaching their ENC2135 class would give two shits about them buying a brand new textbook for a crisp $73.50.

“I’ve been working these halls, and more importantly, the dorm rooms--if you catch my drift--for years,” proclaimed a copy of the 2012 edition of the Bedford Book of Genres, referred to most by most as Crystal, but darlin’ and sugar pages are also acceptable. “I’ve seen things you can’t even imagine; I was on this campus in the dark days before they even thought about opening a Chick-fil-a. But trust me, nothing can give you a rush quite like getting a young man to open you up and learn all about memoirs for the first time in his life,” sighed Crystal, taking a long drag from a cigarette that immediately set her lower left corner on fire. “Oh, I know these kids will visit countless overpriced sluts in the bookstore--or God forbid, the library (this comment is sponsored by Pearson). But trust me, sweetie, you never forget your first.”

“Wait, you have to fuck the books to pass the classes here? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I fooled around when I was dual-enrolled at my local community college in high school, but I’m not sure I’m ready to go all the way,” noted freshman, Parker Boot, whose mouth said no, but according to Crystal, his body most definitely said to ask his mouth. “When I offered to meet a complete stranger in order to give them money, I didn’t think anything would go wrong. And like obviously I’m not a virgin,” scoffed the virgin, “But I’m just not really sure I’m ready to be with an older woman. Especially one whose corners are all crinkled.” Moments before ENC2135 section 10467983 was set to begin, Boot’s cell phone call could be overheard: “Mom, I’m scared. Can you come to pick me up and take me back to ENC1101?”

This semester, instead of attempting voodoo magic to curse every professor who refuses to just scan the book pages into a PDF, consider those that your misery is funding. Whether your bargain-hunting or getting completely scammed by the FSU bookstore, remember that books need love too. Also, it’ll be at least $25 for any of the good stuff.

Image Source: https://www.amazon.com/Bedford-Book-Genres-Rdg-Custom/dp/B019IY4VU8

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