Students Flee for Hills as Professors Begin to Utter the Dreaded Word “Midterm”

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Twice a semester, dread looms over Florida State University as the murmurs of tests that weigh 75% of your grade suddenly become a reality. Only rivaled by finals week, a time where the barriers between hell and earth suddenly merge together, the talk of midterms terrifies all students. It’s a period of sleepless nights, poor choices involving caffeine injected directly into your veins and that one person you barely know asking if “you wanna go to Stroz to study” so that you can both panic together. Students will often joke about running away to Tesuque, New Mexico and starting their life over, but this semester, however, many of them are putting their foot down, or should we say, moving their feet as fast as they can! Students are now packing their cars and leaving town as the looming threat of tests draw near.

“I have no idea where my friends and I are headed to escape these tests, but that's usually how these kinds of trips work,” rationalized sophomore Leo Kennedy as he crammed several hundred bags of Chick Fil-A combo meals into the trunk of his 2004 Toyota Camry, which will barely get him past the Florida-Georgia line. "Usually, we all get riled up about the prospect of college adventures and don’t have any concrete plans until the night before. We usually throw a dart at a world map and let Jesus take the wheel. I’m not sure how much I want to visit this place called “Leixlip,” but anything is better than taking a summative. Those things give me nightmares.”

“Half my class just vanished faster than the snap of Thanos’s fingers! Normally, this isn’t anything new. But something is different in the air, y'know? It’s not your normal ‘I skipped class because my duvet was too heavy for me to move,'" explained Professor Redfield, who hates genuine happiness and assigns tests every other week. “I know I constantly screw students over by never posting lectures onto Canvas and make them take short quizzes where a single missed question will drop them to a B-, but everyone should still come to class. It’s not even that bad! It’s a one hundred point exam that can determine whether or not you pass this course. I don’t understand why anyone would be stressed about it!”

While traffic continues to somehow, someway get worse than it already is from the influx of fleeing students, Florida State University is attempting to entice students to stay with promises of extra credit and attendance points. These are generally unsuccessful, as most students have figured out that this only means dropping their lowest quiz score worth .02% of their participation grade. It’s a slap in the in most classes to pass with a B. Nonetheless, the university will keep trying!

The Eggplant FSU