Not to sound too much like your normie mom on your nightly phone call, but gosh darnit, this year is truly flying the heck by. Our tried and true astrologers at The Eggplant FSU are here to offer you the interstellar guidance needed to take on finals season like the cosmic powerhouse you are.
Read MoreJust in case you needed another reminder that we’re already a quarter of the way through 2019 and are steadily approaching ultimate demise as time continues to escape us, Twitter tells me that March Madness is almost over!
Read MoreWhile the resurgence of Jonas Brother hysteria has taken social media by storm, one of contemporary history’s most pressing arguments has found its way back to the forefront of public consciousness: which JoBro is the hottest?
Read MoreNo, it’s not just you - the past two months were indeed a blur, reminding us of other life experiences that happened in a flash like prom or your first time watching Titanic (who knew it was three hours long?).
Read MoreWhile the strange ongoings of everyday Florida seem commonplace here, perhaps a man marrying his an alligator is startling to those from out of state.
Read MoreHopping into an Uber after a near-death experience and pretending like your entire life isn't in shambles is a millennial rite of passage.
Read MoreWhether or not you spent Valentine’s Day on a minefield of a date at the Olive Garden or nestled deep into the body-shaped indent of your mattress as you picked the outer chocolate mold off a strawberry, we are all relieved it’s over.
Read MoreIt’s V-Day once again, and while hearts and chocolate boxes are overflowing, the pea-sized brains of every man who ruined your Intro to Philosophy class by playing devil's advocate are fired up at this corporate sham of a holiday.
Read MoreWith Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, it’s time to prepare for lovebirds certifying their affection for one another by spending their hard-earned dollars on custom rose bouquets and CVS chocolates teetering on the line of staleness.
Read MoreIt’s easy to understand why a show as wholesome as Tidying Up has drawn massive audiences.
Read MoreAfter what felt like the longest month on human record, the 31-day free trial of 2019 has finally come to an end.
Read MoreThank you – it lets me know you care.
Read MoreSince the Ted Bundy Tapes' recent release on Netflix, everyone has suddenly become interested in discussing the panty-soaking truth that everyone and their horny mothers aren’t ready for: it seems everyone and their mothers are wet for one of the world’s most notorious serial killers, no matter how much brunette blood was on his hands or who he voted for in the 1988 election.
Read MoreAs the 34th day of the current government shutdown rears its ugly head, 800,000 federal employees are struggling to feed their families and pay their rent.
Read MoreIn the year of our lord and savior Simone De Beauvoir 2019, it shouldn’t matter if women have a little fuzz on their upper lip, yet for hairy brunettes everywhere, it definitely does.
Read MoreUnless you’ve been living under a rock the past few days, you've probably come across the incredibly upsetting video of a white teenage boy mocking Indigenous elder and U.S. veteran Nathan Phillips during the March for Life in Washington, D.C.
Read MoreFor many, the first few days of December is a giant, jingle-jangled kickoff to celebrating the holiday season.
Read MoreIn the strange purgatory between Thanksgiving break and the race to the end of the semester, everyone is really going through #IT and doing things like impulse buying magazine subscriptions or getting bangs just to immediately regret it the next morning.
Read MoreIf the lead up to Thanksgiving break didn’t come with a mounting anxiety over trying to relate to your decrepit relatives for two hours over a turkey dinner, congratulations, you have a pleasant home life! We get it, you don’t have to brag.
Read MoreThanksgiving can be a very rough time for college students. Having to be amicable to your aunt whom you just derided on Facebook for voting for a man whose entire platform was “I’m racist and the other guy is black” is a task not for the faint of heart.
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