Kid in MAGA Hat Immediately Applies to FSU Due to Racist Caricature of Native Americans

Unless you’ve been living under a rock the past few days, you've probably come across the incredibly upsetting video of a white teenage boy mocking Indigenous elder and U.S. veteran Nathan Phillips during the March for Life in Washington, D.C. The culprit and his classmates have been publicly condemned by both the administration of his Catholic high school as well as its local Archdiocese for his actions. However, as is traditional, this privileged piece of garbage does not understand the gravity of his actions and is already moving on with his life. An insider at admissions exclusively revealed to The Eggplant FSU that the unruly thug has recently applied for a spot in the FSU class of 2023, where he will surely feel right at home surrounded by many racist depictions of indigenous people.

“I’m not saying that he applied as pre-finance, but there’s definitely a large possibility that he applied as pre-finance,” said Blair Windham, who has asked to go by an alias in order to conceal her identity. “When I saw the outrage on Twitter this weekend, I immediately recognized the name of the high school. One quick search and a peek at Facebook confirmed that it was indeed the same student that described ‘body-shaming women’ and ‘schooling dumb libs on how healthcare works’ as extracurricular activities. While I can’t say I was impressed, the word on the street is that he’s already been offered an e-board position by our College Republicans group on campus.”

As word of the aggressor’s pending acceptance to FSU spread its way through several organizations, one student was appropriately upset over the possibility. “It’s no surprise that the perpetrator would be interested in attending an institution that is so hell-bent on keeping a native tribe as their school symbol regardless of how it makes people feel, or how it will look for the university administration 50 years from now,” said Lily Swanson, a dedicated social justice advocate on campus. “What this school doesn’t realize is that by continuing to perpetuate racial stereotypes through its imagery, they are complicit in the miseducation of students like that idiot and their subsequent unwillingness to learn about the legacy of native oppression in this country, much less basic ethics.”

While it’s not certain whether the student will be accepted, looking at the current population of Heritage Grove, it’s pretty obvious that FSU doesn’t exactly do much to condemn racist and disrespectful behavior. If we want to attract prospects that are as solid in morals as they are in academics, we must do more to show tolerance and respect, especially towards groups that our institution profits from through branded merchandise exploiting the likeness of an entire group of people. Even though Florida State and the vast majority of its student population does not advocate such blatant racism & disrespect as depicted by the high school students earlier this week, we still carry a responsibility in the ongoing oppression of Native Americans through continued commercialization of indigenous history and imagery.

If you are interested in showing your support for Nathan Phillips and other native peoples, consider contributing to the American Indian College Fund, an organization dedicated to ensuring that more native students have access to a college education.

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