Instagram Reports Sad Finsta Forehead Pics Expected to Reach an All-Time High This Holiday Season

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In the strange purgatory between Thanksgiving break and the race to the end of the semester, everyone is really going through #IT and doing things like impulse buying magazine subscriptions or getting bangs just to immediately regret it the next morning. Finsta timelines across the nation have seen a huge jump in 2 a.m. sadposting and, like the reckless behaviors that prompted them, show no signs of stopping. Instagram has recently reported that this uptick in seasonal depression has proven to be an all-time, record high of forehead pictures in the app’s history.

“We’re expecting a huge influx this holiday season based on how pissed everyone was over Thanksgiving. Of course there are always those handfuls of friends you see posting pictures of themselves having full-on breakdowns but never reach out to because you’re just so busy dealing with your own emotional turmoil and carefully angled forehead pictures," said Instagram developer Mark York as he scrolled through the app, deleting posts that use copyrighted music in Flipagrams of people laying on their bathroom floor. "There’s something about this time of year. People always reach a tipping point where they drop off the face of the Earth and just livestream themselves sitting in bed watching Scandal and crying. I don’t know how they find the time to post how sad they are every two hours. Don’t you all have jobs or school or something?”

“It’s my right to post on my finsta in stream of consciousness style episodes. If I can’t share my sadness online and get attention for it, then it’s like it didn’t even happen,” said Natalie Tucker as she pressed play on her “Only Bad Bitches Cry” playlist on Spotify for the tenth time in two hours. “I could mark the passage of time just from the lighting in my room when I post, almost like using a sundial. Plus, it’s great creative writing exercise trying to come up with as many metaphors as possible for wanting to die as I can. My friends definitely have me muted and never read any of my captions if they’re longer than the length of a string of concerning emojis, but that just fuels my sad fire and gives me all the more reason to keep posting passive aggressively into oblivion.”

There’s certainly no denying the thrill of getting two pity likes immediately after making a particularly juicy finsta post. But at the end of the day, apparently all our friends hate their lives and no one is doing anything about it. It seems like it was only yesterday when people used to use finstas to post videos of them being stupid and drunk in their freshman dorm. Now it’s mood boards of people still laying in bed at 1 p.m. on a Tuesday and deep-fried iCarly memes and it’s only going to get worse the longer people have to be in their childhood rooms over the holidays.

NOTE FROM THE EDITORS: If anyone is actually going through #IT and needs any assistance, consider checking out the organizations and resources mentioned on the University Counseling Center's website!

The Eggplant FSU