Scandal in the Robinson Family: Uncle Ted Uninvited to Thanksgiving for Absolutely Creaming Everyone in Words With Friends

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Thanksgiving can be a very rough time for college students. Having to be amicable to your aunt whom you just derided on Facebook for voting for a man whose entire platform was “I’m a racist and the other guy is black” is a task not for the faint of heart. This year, however, even some who live in pure households have felt the sting of division tearing this mediocre holiday apart. The Robinsons of West Orlando had to formally retract the invitation to one of their own from Thanksgiving dinner, not for political reasons, but because he wouldn’t stop fucking owning everyone in the popular mobile Scrabble clone, Words with Friends.

“I’m tired of Ted thinking he can just show off how much better he is at everything all the time,” angrily relayed Ted’s older brother and this year’s Thanksgiving host, Kevin, as he struggled to find a combination of C's, O's and X's that could reach a double word square. “Nobody has been spared; not me, not any of the cousins, not even my three-year-old daughter. She can’t even spell 'dime' and he turned her entire world upside down with 'paradigm' on a triple letter, triple word combo for 82 points. She hasn’t stopped crying since. What kind of monster does that? I think he’s got some weird complex from being the youngest child. So he can eat turkey by himself this year. How’s that for a 'paradigm' shift?”

“How am I supposed to answer to this upheaval? I had conceptualized that we were all just engaging in a bit of amusement,” melancholily pontificated Ted, as he artfully deposited the previously-unused word “QAT,” securing another victory. “This all seems rather trivial, don’t you think? Why should performance in this pastime be grounds for such alienation? Had I known that my relations would protest thusly, I would have settled to much more intermediate level of play, using words like 'sadness,' 'brother' and 'please.' Alas, I submit that it is far too late for recompense. I only aspire that my niblings can forgive my transgressions before next year’s banquet.”

With the news of Uncle Ted’s ostracism reaching the rest of the Robinson clan, even more turmoil began as the conflict-adverse half of the family fought that even Ted’s crimes did not warrant tearing the family apart. But as more and more phones began to alert these placators of the lopsided results of their games, a consensus was soon agreed upon: Ted could go fuck himself in the triple letter.

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