Was Being Republican the Worst Thing About Ted Bundy? Your Girlfriend Thinks So
Since the Ted Bundy Tapes' recent release on Netflix, everyone from the weird side of 2014 Tumblr has resurfaced to let the world know why it’s suddenly okay for them and their horny mothers to sympathize with a serial killer once again. Although he definitely doesn’t look like those thumb monsters from the Spy Kids movies, it’s hard for some to combine his ugly actions with his ugly face since Zac Efron is starring in a motion picture humanizing this fucking maniac. With a man who won the hearts of every elementary schooler in 2006 portraying this pile of garbage, it’s no surprise to see why Allen McPherson’s liberal girlfriend, Jade Seiman, is willing to overlook his murderous actions and instead focus on who he voted for in the 1968 election.
“I was able to look past Ted Bundy murdering over 30 women due to how many times I got to hear the documentary refer to him as ‘charming’ and ‘handsome,’” commented Seiman as she flicked lint from her “Netflix & Kill” shirt onto an old Bernie 2016 poster. “The video said that he’s smart, but I have to disagree. He definitely voted for Nixon and I think that’s his biggest unforgivable sin. Forgiving someone for taking away their loved ones in the most horrific way possible is easy, but working on a Republican campaign? That’s kind of hard to do. Also, I think it’s important to mention his hypocritical pro-life stance.”
“I can’t believe Jade thinks of him as a teen heartthrob,” commented Seiman’s soon-to-be ex-boyfriend, Allan McPherson, as he posted a “Delete This” meme underneath one of Netflix’s tweets about the docuseries. “I don’t care how many times this series tries to let me know that he’s a misunderstood man with an abusive childhood, I just refuse to sympathize with him. In 2019, being a Republican is literally almost as bad as being a murderer. I always thought it was wrong to see people sexualize this monster during the 70’s and it’s wrong to sexualize him even now.”
Although the jury is out on whether Ted Bundy or his ten thousand volts to the head were hotter, society will never be ready to call a murderer of thirty young women a “daddy.” Let this article be a warning to all of those in relationships with people that have recently been screaming “NOT GUILTY” during sex. Instead, it’s better to google the words “SWEET SHOP,” since he, you know, used to frequent the place we buy coffee at and plan his raid of the Chi Omega house.