Good morning to every frat boy who has risen from the dead after puking their brains out last night and is now officially ready to rally for today's game! Today marks a historic day for FSU as our football team plays their first game with Willie Taggart as head coach.
Read MoreWith the start of football season reminding us that the only real worth this school has lies in our ability to toss around a giant Cadbury egg for four hours at a time, the hype surrounding FSU’s legendary concert has begun to sweep through campus.
Read MoreStarting college can be scary, even if you didn’t attend a virtual high school like that one kid from Queer Eye. Luckily for you, the super hot, cool and well-adjusted writers on our staff have compiled helpful tips for getting through your first week of school!
Read MoreLife is full of regrets isn’t it?
Read MoreThis week, artists graduating from the BFA and MFA programs will be displaying their final works as students in the FSU Museum of Fine Arts.
Read MoreEveryone has that one friend with a seemingly irrelevant position within SGA that always seems to “know a guy” and get better internships than you. In the past, friends of student government members have just assumed it was because of rich parents or Greek life or both; however, FSU’s proudest tattletale and independent SGA candidate John Walker has brought to light some serious accusations that link the pseudo-secret society Burning Spear to various cases of corruption within local and state politics.
Read MoreA new leak earlier this week revealed some interesting information regarding the inspiration behind several buildings on campus.
Read MoreAfter a long Wednesday night of dreams about panda bear pillow fights, a woozy President John Thrasher awoke to find himself strapped to a garnet and gold chariot hastily pulled by a masked Renegade.
Read MoreEven back in 20,018 BC, one of the biggest yabba dabba don'ts of Prehistoric Florida State University was going against the Inter-Fraternity Caveman Council's strict rules.
Read MoreIn recent days, the President’s Advisory Panel on Namings and Recognitions has encouraged input from the Florida State student body regarding the potential renaming or removal of several campus landmarks, including Francis Eppes Hall and the Francis Eppes statue, both of which honor a man who esteemed historians have classified as “an unparalleled dick.”
Read MoreIn January, FSU appointed a new Dean of Freakshit in the wake of students criticizing campus activities for being exclusively for "normies and oldies."
Read MoreIn yesterday’s SGA election, the Unite Party, comprised exclusively of former hall monitors, achieved another victory in a decade-old conquest for authority that began with a neon-yellow sash.
Read MoreThe newest flavor of the semester has finally hit the courts with people pretending to care about sports to appease their friends and giant cannons that instill fear in fans from a hundred yards away by spitting out “Hit This Ass With A 3-Pointer” shirts.
Read MoreIn the same style as a Super Smash Bros. game, a new challenger has entered the campus election armed and ready with Strozier's multimedia computers to beat down elbow rubbers, brown nosers and jacket chasers with a single cut and paste.
Read MoreFollowing the limited reinstatement of the recruitment process and philanthropic events for Greek organizations on campus, many members are readjusting to the reality that part of Thrasher’s new normal includes toning down the partying and toning up the philanthropy, as well as nose-breathing and being polite to strangers.
Read MoreThe start of the new semester is a time when students pretend to care about learning for all of syllabus week before never showing up to a class their parents paid $700 for again.
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Welcome to Tallahassee, Florida: the craziest college town in America.
Read MoreSince his election to the position of Student Body President last Spring, Kyle Hill has been trying to relieve the stress of his executive duties in a healthy way: pumping iron and doing spin classes at FSU’s popular student gym, the Leach Center.
Read MoreWith the dated evil of Blackboard nothing but a weird fever dream of error walls and late updates, you’d think Canvas would feel like a breath of fresh air for professors and students alike. Little did we know, the shift would essentially be read as the largest insult to mankind, with instructors retaliating in the most asinine sense of the word.
Read MoreFollowing the season premiere of a last-minute digital media productions project beyond trash television reality show documenting the exploits of privilege left unchecked, President Thrasher announced that the student body has clearly learned its lesson on the dangers of reckless drinking and toxic social behaviors and that all Greek life has been re-established on campus, effective immediately.
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