A new leak earlier this week revealed some interesting information regarding the inspiration behind several buildings on campus. The not-at-all-discreet documents, which were literally titled ”Land We Bought After Blueprints Were Made Because It’s Cheaper,” divulged the origin stories of popular FSU landmarks. This includes the famous Bellamy-Duke mix-up painstakingly disclosed to every touring high school senior and the Shores building’s original purpose as an on-campus sensory deprivation chamber. But perhaps the most shocking revelation from the leak is that popular new dining complex, 1851, was originally supposed to be an Urban Outfitters.
Unsurprisingly, the school’s administration responded to the breach with commentary regarding the now-public information. “It is no secret that Florida State is trying to rebrand itself. When we found out that an unnamed, teen-centric clothing manufacturer had bought the land behind Dorman and Deviney Halls, we were at a loss,” said President John Thrasher in a statement released just hours after the leak. Luckily, one look at the blueprints for the proposed store made the decision of buying the company out so much easier. “This was the perfect opportunity to build the perfectly over-hyped, mediocre dining option we had always envisioned. Also, the exposed brick and pipes alone were enough for us to open up our deep, gaping wide wallets with gusto. This is a ‘brick’ school, after all.”
Some students, however, were let down by the contents of the leak, including FSU freshman Kara Winkle. “I’ve been shopping at Urban since I was 12 years old and it’s definitely my favorite store. Where else can I buy both a $40 vinyl of the panic-inducing ‘Dunkirk’ score and a crop top made completely out of goat hair?” Winkle remarked while taking half-developed polaroids of an empty chair for her Intro to Photography class. “The fact that we could have had one on the edge of campus is a major bummer. Instead we got an overpriced, wannabe-hipster joint that’s sole purpose is to cater to easily-aesthetically pleased young people and serve tiny portioned meals that could only satiate an ant. It’s so annoying.”
Although the leaked paperwork revelations were never meant to meet public eyes, it seems as though most students are quite indifferent to the reality of the origins of their favorite spots on campus. As FSU continues to grow over the coming years, students and faculty are sure to be met with several new ”creative” and “hip” expansions aimed at finally bringing this giant blob of bricks into the 21st century. Regardless of what it was intended to be, everyone can probably agree that an on-campus Urban Outfitters would have been a terrible idea, yet would have still somehow had more diverse dining options than 1851.