Although most at FSU expected nothing new this time of year besides the usual grim finals week and Tallahassee’s inability to pick a climate, students across campus agree something is different in the frosty but somehow still humid Tallahassee air.
Read MoreAs we approach the end of the year and the holiday season, we arrive at the magical time when budgets have been allocated and the FSU administration figures out what to do with surplus sweepings.
Read MoreAfter being constantly asked “what are you studying again?” and stuffing their faces with pumpkin pie to keep themselves out of political discourse last week, hundreds of FSU students have banded together to form a weekly therapy group to recover from one holiday break and prepare for the approaching one in just three weeks.
Read MoreFollowing the game that put an end to a species of self-righteous reptiles, unfortunately excluding lizard overlord Marco Rubio, The University of Florida has ordered a score recount. Despite the fact that over 80,000 people saw them lose in person and millions of people saw them lose via live broadcast, UF is certain the score recount will yield a better result.
Read MoreIn the area of uncultivated and low-lying wet ground that somehow has become its brand, Shrek’s Swamp, like UF, has been lashing out at surrounding areas in the Kingdom of Far Far Away to prove the swamp’s true dominance in all areas, including objectification of women, academic shaming and visually impaired anthropomorphised mice.
Read MoreThis time of year has always been one of great conflict and familial clash, from your cousin Jeremy being passive-aggressive about his veganism while the rest of the family pays pointed attention to their dry turkey pieces, to the infamous FSU-UF football game that always makes your mom regret sitting you next to your UF Alumni Uncle Tim.
Read MoreAcknowledging its status as an overrated institution favored by the politically incompetent, the University of Florida has officially changed it's name to the Trump Tower of the South.
Read MoreWith “Sucks to be U” shirts happily tucked back into drawers and “Beat Clemson” pins appropriately stuffed down garbage disposals, UF Hate Week has arrived.
Read MoreWhen shopping for Good Boy Clubs at FSU, it’s easy to be overwhelmed by the wealth of options to choose from with cool Greek-style letters and fun Power Ranger names. One trio of transfer students from Reed College was so disheartened by the search, they decided to start a new fraternity of their own. Quinoa Miller, Trey Jackson and Rufus Tyler couldn’t find a suitable house near campus that would bring their organization respect. Luckily, Tyler had spent the summer building the tiniest frat house in the nation.
Read MoreAs many students participated in the annual ritual of getting shitfaced in a $60 costume they will try to return on November 1, Junior Ed Little found himself wandering the dark unforgiving streets of autumnal Tallahassee.
Read MoreDuring Saturday’s devastating invasion from Clemson unto FSU’s football stadium, the Jimbotron, perched high in the heavens on top of the debts of the student body, presented an unexpected broadcast.
Read MoreWith the highly anticipated Clemson game approaching this Saturday, hopeful attendees are scrambling to find student tickets to Photoshop their names onto before they get too drunk at the tailgate and miss the game.
Read MoreCW: Slavery, racism
Nostalgic for the kitschy ole days of mason jars and auctioning off human beings, many Florida State students are hoping to continue the legacy of institutional racism started by their ancestors by voting to keep the statue of Francis Eppes on campus.
Read MoreAs the cool early fall fog rolled away from the Southeast side of campus just before sunrise last Friday, Freshman Andrea LaPique was shocked to notice what appeared to be a large gun barrel being loaded into the construction site on Jefferson Street outside her Landis Hall dorm window.
Read MoreIn a completely unexpected and not at all in line with their everyday values move, local sorority Delta Iota Kappa banned all people of color from their Great Gatsby-themed social last Thursday.
Read MoreWe’ve all been there, ready to finally confess your true feelings to that one special person whom you were sure wanted to move to the next level, only to have all of your hopes and dreams toppled to the ground when they say that they’d “rather just stay friends.”
Read MoreFlorida State is a hotbed of millennial activism. In addition to the many hardworking students and faculty fighting to bring progress, social change and diversity to our campus, there is also a group of students clinging desperately to hate speech, oppression and social regression.
Read MoreAccording to numerous eyewitnesses who described what they saw as “depressing,” “eye-opening,” and “definitely the worst thing I’ve seen since I went into a Bellamy bathroom,” a lone freshman sat by himself at the bar inside Chick-fil-A, mournfully gazing at each and every college student that entered the area during the Wednesday lunch rush.
Read MoreFollowing a massive cloud that sophomore Steve Anderson exhaled as he stepped out of the Bellamy building, John Thrasher has decided to take safety precautions and cancel classes for the rest of this week.
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