UF to be Henceforth Known as the "Trump Tower of the South"
Acknowledging its status as an overrated institution favored by the politically incompetent, the University of Florida has officially changed it's name to the Trump Tower of the South. The change has been much yearned for by the students of UF, as they always felt like they weren't identifying themselves with the correct northern building owned by rich people who overestimate their intelligence.
“I’ve never really understood why my friends at other universities stopped talking to me, considering I’m the most humble and most self-aware person I know. I’m hoping that changing the name of our school will finally show the world our true colors,” said Trump Tower of the South student Allie Jackson while purchasing Trump Tower of the South paraphernalia, featuring the school’s new mascot, Albert the Alt-Right Alligator. “The only weird thing that’s come of the name change is that it’s somehow made the students more racist than they normally are, which is wild considering we were one of the schools called out at the end of Dear White People.”
Unfortunately, Beelzebub-Elect Donald Trump was not available for a comment as he was busy figuring out which tie would best compliment his spray tan. None of the ties he was perusing were blue, however, as that combination was deemed too gaudy even for a man who once tried selling steaks with his name on them. Mike Pence was ready to make a comment on his behalf, but he got caught up trying to sell his Broadway season pass after realizing that maybe this wasn’t the year for him to get into theater.
“We thought the graphic design department was getting too comfortable with the blinding shades of blue and orange we chose as our school colors. Through some brainstorming and soul searching, our student body was able to come up with another vile way to represent the university,” explained Trump Tower of the South president, W. Kent Fuchs. “Now, they must begin the process of putting the word ‘Trump’ and giant likenesses of his face over every statue and poster all throughout campus in the most totalitarian way possible. As inspiration, I've given them a double plus good copy of the design book 1984.”