Liberal FSU Fans Fear Second Loss This Month to an Unfavorable Orange Opponent
With “Sucks to be U” shirts happily tucked back into drawers and “Beat Clemson” pins appropriately stuffed down garbage disposals, UF Hate Week has arrived. While this is usually a time for the most obscene FSU apparel and adults clinging to their glory days to make an appearance, the devastating defeat on November 8th has left-wing FSU fans fearing their second loss this month to an obnoxious, orange opponent.
“I know we have won the past three years, but if I learned anything from this election it is to never be confident in anything ever,” explained sophomore Clinton supporter Kevin Lu as he slid into Nate Silver’s DMs asking for a prediction of Saturday’s game that Lu, along with the general public, could read and ultimately ignore. “I mean, everyone I talk to on campus is really optimistic for an FSU win this year, like, they basically think there is just no way UF could win, so that is probably a better indicator than UF’s actual stats.”
“The first orange loss is clearly much worse than this potential second orange loss. It’s just that this second loss would be another win for my least favorite people in Florida. First Trump supporters win Florida, now Gator fans?” Said senior member of the College Democrats, Alexa Villanueva, before googling ‘University of Alabama transfer application.’ “I love my school, I really do, but I promise if UF wins, I WILL transfer. I hope the Alabama website doesn’t crash on Saturday if we lose and ruin my plan the way Canada did. It’s a shame really, because moving to a country where white supremacy is still alive and well, even with liberal daddy Trudeau in power, would have been a liberating experience that would have allowed me to continue pretending to care about humanity while using my privilege only for myself!”
This rivalry game is sure to bring out the worst in everyone, especially those who are pretty bad to start out with, like Trump supporters and Gator fans. However, the silver lining is that the state of Florida has already let down liberal FSU fans so much this month that a UF loss, while tragic, pales in comparison. Similar to petitions to abolish the electoral college, a petition has been started to abolish points in football and rather to just go off of which fan base cheers the loudest. Even with the game at Doak this year, it could be a challenge seeing as UF students will take any excuse to visit Tallahassee and overpay for our student tickets. Luckily, most of them will blackout at the pregame and not make it to the game. More moderate Seminoles fans who believe they are above this rivalry are choosing to not attend the game or rather to cheer “Go Bulls!” and then still complain if the Gators win.