With only four weeks until exams, honors students and honors-adjacent students across campus are seeking comfort from the most drastic sources with the most asinine plans.
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The days of guesstimating the macros of your bi-weekly alcohol consumption are finally over. Thanks to the new update of Under Armour’s frighteningly cult-y “MyFitnessPal” app, users now have the option to log all of their pint-sized shooters with the click of a button.
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A staple in the department of English is the infamous Article and Essay Technique class.
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Despite being seven months into the school year, freshmen are still having a difficult time understanding the difference between discretion and clinking bottles past 9PM every night to let their neighbors know they're having way too much of a good time.
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Fuck a flux-capacitor. If anything on the road is going to play God, it sure isn’t going to be some scientist in a sports car.
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Everybody has their own unique, foolproof method to decompress as we enter the annual spring existential crisis season.
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Though everyone already knew that tow truck drivers work largely under the guise of moonlight because they’re a special breed of fairytale villain, rumors surrounding one driver’s mythical kink are circulating Tallahassee.
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Evan Rhodes is not sexist, or so he announces in his toothpaste-speckled mirror every morning before longboarding to class and scratching at the fresh coat of pink nail polish on his thumb.
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Covered in tan lines and still smelling of sunscreen and unspecified bodily fluids, students are flocking back to FSU’s campus this week as classes start back up after spring break. As they adjust back into their mundane, un-debaucherous routines, some have managed to keep their wild vacation memories alive.
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The sun is shining, clocks are rolling forward and half of FSU’s campus is waking up with bloodshot eyes that they can now successfully blame on that pesky yellow pollen. All of this serves to remind us that the season of rebirth and trashing public beaches has arrived at last.
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First written by the Gods, there are two core principles upheld by every college student across the country: the ability to perform any basic task at the last possible minute and the frenzy that ensues trying to find an internship that will wiggle their foot into the door of that cruel, baby boomer world.
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With half of the Spring semester already completed, students can finally take a moment for themselves and enjoy a much needed break from schoolwork.
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Move over anyone who thinks they're Woke™, there’s a new activist taking little gay campus hearts by storm. Professor Charles Jones has bravely stepped into the spotlight as a champion for the poor, voiceless LGBTQ students of Florida State University by coming out as a straight ally in the middle of his IFS4200 course titled “I’m Socially Liberal but Fiscally Conservative.”
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It’s brunch time in Collegetown on a Sunday. You just finished this month’s drinking challenge at your favorite unspecified brunch spot in one sitting, with only Captain Crunch pancakes and a single bite of Jessica’s bacon to soak up the liquor in your stomach.
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Following Delta Nu sorority sister Jessica Hodges’ fourth consecutive blackout since Fat Tuesday, the FSU junior and retail merchandising major has finally taken a hint and retired into her bed with a glass of boxed red blend before 9:30 PM.
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Unseasonal humidity and artificially-scented vape smoke are not the only things in the air on FSU’s campus this week.
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Fear the changing room no longer my lumpy brethren! H&M is spearheading the movement toward total body positivity. That’s right, the fashion chain has rolled out their newest publicity stunt and it is filled with the ultimate fit for all those medium sized mamas who found a cute top to be just a squish too tight or a touch too big.
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In a world where Dolly Parton can have as many pop features as Quavo and Reba McEntire can convincingly dress up as Colonel Sanders’ creepy animatronic twin, it is easy to understand why more and more Americans are tyin’ up their chaps and fervently denying their white privilege as a way to embrace the good ol’ country lifestyle.
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The cuckoo clock of human ineptitude has recently determined that the world is roughly two minutes away from global catastrophe, leaving the general public to make as many Iron Maiden jokes as possible before The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists come out of their bunkers to knock our teeth out over the next glib Facebook post.
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Movie lovers across the nation are taking pompous Rotten Tomatoes critiques way too seriously and coughing up $12.78 for momentary relief from their terrible lives.
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