Fear the changing room no longer my lumpy brethren! H&M is spearheading the movement toward total body positivity. That’s right, the fashion chain has rolled out their newest publicity stunt and it is filled with the ultimate fit for all those medium sized mamas who found a cute top to be just a squish too tight or a touch too big. Although there could have been a push toward sizing their already established products with more accuracy and creating a better quality product, none of that matters now that consumers have one more possible choice when trying to pick out a present for someone whose exact measurements escape them. We’re talking about comfort. We’re talking about style. Oh yeah; we’re talking about extra-medium.
“Yeah we’re like really pushing boundaries here and it’s so exciting to be a part of, like, fashion history,” squealed Tabitha Tipperton, local H&M shift manager and part time activist for “Size Me,” a charity dedicated to cultivating the perfect v-neck experience for at-risk youth. The charity famously holds fundraising events each year such as ‘Thanks for Spanx,’ an event in which girls under the age of 12 are fitted for the perfect pair of spanx. “Aside from my charity work this is literally the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done. Oh my God, just imagining the perfect fit of our Xtra Fluff Boat Neck Crop Tee on our shoppers is giving me goosebumps!”
“I’ve literally never found a shirt that has fit me before. Technically, I’m an extra-extra-medium but this push toward total body equality has me, like, so stoked! It’s the tiniest bit loose in the armpit area but other than that I’ve never felt more like a tiny doll in tiny doll clothes that have been perfectly crafted to fit its beautiful, tiny doll body,” exclaimed Anita Ormat as she hurriedly hid the Barbie doll that was peeking out of her bag ever so slightly, making sure not to wrinkle the clothes the doll was wearing that matched the outfit she currently had on. “If it were up to me H&M would be given, like, an award for peace or something. I can finally love myself.”
H&M may have been the subject of some controversy recently, but this push toward self love should excuse them from their racially insensitive marketing tactics and inability to produce a product that lasts more than three months. We can’t wait to see what else the fashion chain has to offer, especially if it’s those frilly socks that only toddlers should be allowed to wear but in adult sizes. Fingers crossed that the future holds shoes sized by the quarter inch and a resurgence of metallic hot pants.