Confused Bear Found in ‘The Den’

Bewilderment spread on FSU’s campus this past Thursday, as an adult grizzly bear was found lost on campus at The Den. A student first sighted the bear and promptly reported it to campus authorities. It was noted to have been in the restaurant for around 30 minutes before it was reported, as the employees simply didn’t notice a bear in the restaurant. 

“I thought he wanted to order, so I was ignoring him,” said one Den employee. The bear left no damage to the restaurant and was found calmly seated in a booth in the back corner of the restaurant. “I was hoping for some honey, salmon, somewhere to hibernate, but nope. It’s a fucking Denny’s,” shared Mr. Chocolate, the bear, in an interview with Eggplant reporters. Mr. Chocolate cooperated with campus authorities and returned peacefully to the forest. 

Students have been left dumbstruck following the bear’s intrusion on campus. On one hand, a vicious predator existed on campus for a prolonged period. On the other hand, Mr. Chocolate caused no property damage and, according to students, seemed “lowkey chill”.