Township Staff Under Fire After Letting in 3 Freshmen in a Trench Coat.

Scandal struck the Tallahassee bar scene this past weekend, when a bartender discovered  that one of the patrons was actually three freshmen in a trench coat. “I felt that something might have been off when they ordered ‘three of your finest beers, please,’” said bartender Johnny Bones. The establishment known for their strict regulations on alcohol seems to have had their entire reputation dismantled by the young men.

The identities of the three freshmen were revealed to be Kyle, Chad, and Sulfur (stacked in that order), all pledges for the Sigma Sigma Fart Chapter. The three culprits had a combined height of 5 '7, allowing them to blend in perfectly. “People think we were just trying to get drunk, but in reality, this is a message. For years people thought that place was an impenetrable fortress,” said Kyle, the head of the operation. 

The actions taken by these bold freshmen have sparked local movements across the city. A band of 5th graders reportedly made it into the Recess pool just last night.

Despite all getting instant bids after the news broke, Kyle, Chad, and Sulfur have been arrested for illegal possession and treason by law enforcement.  They will not be returning to College Town or FSU when they are of drinking age, doomed to a life of sobriety because of their bravery. A candlelight vigil is scheduled to be held outside Salley Hall this upcoming Friday in their honor.