Calling All Boners: Club Downunder To Host Special Guest Styxx Youngbone’s Revival Tour

This one's for all the Boners out there. After featuring a variety of big-name performers, FSU’s Club Downunder struck gold yet again when they took to Instagram to announce their latest upcoming musical guest: Styxx Youngbone. Tens of fans expressed their excitement, commenting words of support such as, “My heart just did the thing (cardiac arrest),” and, “Post this on Reels, lil bro.” We assume the latter comment was a pure-hearted effort to increase the announcement's social media reach with no malicious intent whatsoever. 

A vast majority of the student body appears to have no idea who Youngbone actually is. “I went to his Instagram page and all I found were POV videos of him trying to fuck his fans,” one student said. “There’s almost always a part where he talks to his bandmates, too. But, like, what band? It’s always just him filming in silence. He isn’t even on SoundCloud or anything. Who is this guy?”

After receiving this comment, The Eggplant reached out to other students to gauge their opinions. Naturally, we got mixed reviews. “I looked him up on TikTok. I thought he’d have music on there, or some popular song I’d recognize,” said one interviewee. “All I saw were POV videos. Like, ‘POV: you’re a groupie and you snuck backstage during the Styxx Youngbone concert.’ It was weird. I couldn’t stop watching. His videos make me feel like I have to pee a little.” We didn’t ask for further elaboration on that one.

Overall, the consensus was a mix of confusion and intrigue. Many questions remain. Who exactly is Styxx Youngbone? If not music, what exactly is he touring? Is “Styxx Youngbone” a euphemism for something? Why is he flirting with his camera all the time? Hopefully, these will all be answered in time for his arrival at CDU, which his loyal Boner army eagerly anticipates