“Football is YOUR dream, Dad!” exclaimed FSU quarterback Tommy Castellanos in a recent off season interview.
Bewilderment spread on FSU’s campus this past Thursday, as an adult grizzly bear was found lost on campus at The Den.
Church bells rang, confetti flooded down from the sky, and strangers embraced in the street as world leaders announced the deadline extension of the Try Not To Kill Yourself Challenge
Over the weekend, tragedy struck. When it was discovered that your friend, yes, your friend that you are thinking of right now, was walking freshmen back to their dorms late at night.
Everyone’s favorite Seminole Dining option, Argo Tea, is officially getting a second location on FSU’s campus.
“Yeah, it’s obviously pretty demeaning,” said the horse. “Aside from how stupid it looks, it’s blatant cultural appropriation. One of my drinking buddies is a reindeer, and I already know he’s gonna give me hell for this.”
To showcase who actually sucks the hardest, the NCAA has announced a new policy allowing players to enter the transfer portal and successfully transfer schools mid-game.
“I can’t take it anymore,” said Tyler Bradley, a first-year Finance major. “It’s too hard. I thought I’d be getting straight into stocks and crypto trading.”
FSU released a statement this morning announcing the start of plans to construct a new and improved union. Starting next week, the current student union will be closed until construction finishes in 2099
