Are You Sentimental or a Hoarder? Pick a Struggle.

In the strange post-finals void, when you spent all that time studying to get an A but now don’t know if the heartache, mental breakdowns, sweat, diarrhea, and tears, were worth it; now you get to move out! Did you really need that Guthries box from the night you lost your virginity? Or the condom wrapper from the next night? And hey, just an idea, maybe clean your sheets more than once a semester because the crumbs from that chicken tender meal are not doing you any favors. There’s a line, between “I want to remember all the crazy times college has brought me” and “I want to be one with the rats.” While it’s a thin line, there is still a lot that oversteps. 

Meanwhile, the University Housing employees have seen an influx of trash (and fistfights) as move-out approaches. The tensions are high with finals week ending the day before all dormitory tenants get evicted. We asked disgruntled RA, Polly Pomper, why the vibe was off in Broward Hall. “The amount of roommate complaints I have heard in the past week is enough to make me never want to have kids. One girl apparently threw away her roommate’s month-old leftovers to which the roommate responded with, ‘I was gonna eat that.’ So obviously there was a broken nose involved and I have to do paperwork.” She then sprinted away to break up a fight at the dumpster as two men were brawling it out over a broken microwave. Maybe the saying is true that one person’s trash is another’s treasure? 

Along with fistfights, and drama-filled private Snapchat stories, some residents are just completely stumped. “I have no idea what I am going to do!” Says Andy Petterson about his ‘room decor’ which includes a flashing neon sign reading out “anal”, multiple hanging Amazon leaf garlands that have somehow begun wilting, and a wall of monster cans. “Ya, that’s my accent wall. They say you need to make your college room feel like home, and sure we’ve had a bug problem, or five, but I think it’s a small price to pay for a good-looking dorm.”

Nothing will last forever! We all die eventually, and forget precious memories we thought we’d hold dear till the end, so take out your trash! A broken beer bottle you found in the parking lot of your 8 am is not a ‘sign’ it’s garbage and something your roommate will make fun of you for behind your back. Just remember, that sandwich from the Den will not stay good forever (if it was ever “good” at all), especially not in the tiny ass dorm refrigerators.