In a public statement made on Ash Wednesday, the new Chicagoan Pope, Leo XIV, announced that he is giving up "broccoli and other gross vegetables” for Lent
Read More
With the start of the Chinese New Year, billions of Chinese citizens and Chinese-souled white individuals have begun celebrating the coming Year of the Horse.
Read More
In a move that has left the warrior community puzzled and outraged, local samurai Tokugawa Musashi failed his blade exam after declining to study for it.
Read More
The Eggplant would like to extend its formal congratulations to Oscar, who has reportedly been nominated in twenty four different categories
Read More
“We can’t say exactly why this might be helpful, or how soon,” said Director Jim O’Neill. “But just…you know. Be ready.”
Read More
In a revolutionary technological breakthrough, a new firework from the infamous X-TREME TRAUMA BOMBA FIREWORX Co. has hit the market.
Read More
For years, news sources have reported on “gross domestic product.” It seems as though Domestic Product was never given a chance to prove itself otherwise.
Read More
Residents were stunned on Monday as septuagenarian Ida Hoemann took several hostages inside a local diner.
Read More
Tensions have risen as people being held in Brooklyn’s Metropolitan Detention Center (MDC) have reportedly been uniting against fellow groups of prisoners.
Read More
“On paper it was genius,” says Maya Ruthers, one of the creative leads in charge of the failed Dasani x Windex collaboration.
Read More
The sleepy town of Denver, Mississippi mourned the loss of one of its own last week, as well-known ‘golden retriever boyfriend’ Kelvin Durango was sadly put down.
Read More
Vice President JD Vance was spotted recently working the afternoon shift at a Hot Topic, quietly folding My Chemical Romance T-shirts and muttering to himself.
Read More
At the Oscars (Film Award Show) Will Smith slapped Chris Rock.
Read More
The Christmas season–for most, a period of holiday cheer, merriment, cozy nights by the fire, and valuable time spent with friends and family. But for 33-year-old Pierce Williams, it quickly became a nightmare of Hallmarkian proportions.
Read More
Sit back, relax, and savor just a few NFL highlights from seven-time Pro Bowler, two-time First-Team All-Pro, and member of the Hall of Fame All-2010s Team, Julio Jones.
Read More
Now, a new Mandela effect has taken the world by storm: the classic Peanuts Halloween special, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, is actually titled It’s the Great Bumpkin, Charlie Brown.
Read More
Citizens took to the streets to celebrate on Friday when progressive Autobot “Peoplemover” transformed into a large transit bus.
Read More
After a long week of rumors about the affair between Bill Clinton and Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton has finally broken her silence.
Read More
(That’s Right. They’re Going Back in Time to the First Thanksgiving to Get Turkey OFF the Menu.)
Read More
WOKE IS BACK! The Eggplant staff has polled some of its most wokest staff to collect the 5 best things to do now that woke is back
Read More