Neutralizing your karma is perfect for those who don’t want to reincarnate in the next life as a shitty little bug, but also don’t want to get tooo close to Nirvana and transcend the wheel of birth and death quite yet.

Reality check, people: You have no idea whether or not your neurosurgeon has a tramp stamp! 

In an attempt to stand out amongst the chaotic sea of Talloween festivities,Wonkytown has decided to raise both the minimum age and cover for their parties.

In addition to the weekly Market Wednesday festivities at FSU, the university will be holding a new event: the First Day on Earth Convention.

Muahahahahahahahahahahaa! Welcome, dearest reader, to my mortifyingly spooktastical article that is filled with ghouls, goblins, monsters and creatures alike!

Lock up your sweaters, and lather on that sunscreen. Per the National Weather Service, conditions across America are expected to be “absurdly hot as shit for fall” this year.

These requests come after what seems like a treacherous season for the Great White Way, as the outlook for Broadway has seemingly never been bleaker.

Further discussions by league owners have considered also banning ‘assistance from other players/staff to get off the field following an injury-causing play’, to encourage players to ‘thug it out’.