Year of the Horse Slammed as Hate Speech by Micropenis Lobby

WASHINGTON, DC—With the start of the Chinese New Year, billions of Chinese citizens and Chinese-souled white individuals have begun celebrating the coming Year of the Horse. Vitality, resilience, and strength define this new year, with prominent analysts predicting a swift and decisive defeat of all chuds by 2027. However, a small but powerful group of lobbyists in the US are pursuing an organized takedown of the celebration, specifically as it pertains to the year’s animal.

Neil Kruntz, Chief Lobbyist for the Center for Male Erogenous Nonconformity (CMEN), addressed a group of reporters on the steps of the Capitol Hill Jimmy John’s, following a removal by force from the steps of the US Capitol just moments earlier. According to Kruntz, the depiction of the horse as “stronger” and “more resistant to failure” than its diminutive counterparts clearly signals that violence towards smaller forms of life is “no problem” and “probably deserved.” Kruntz closed the speech by telling the crowd that “no man, woman, or ambiguous-but-brave human being deserves to live in the shadow of the horse.”

Upon witnessing Kruntz’s diatribe, Yang Jisheng, a Chinese tourist visiting Washington, DC, told reporters that he “does not know if free speech has been good for America.”