CDC Recommends Starting to Build Up Tolerance to Nuclear Radiation

In an ominous press conference last Monday, the Center for Disease Control recommended that the American population begin microdosing nuclear radiation to build up a natural immunity. “We can’t say exactly why this might be helpful, or how soon,” said Director Jim O’Neill. “But just…you know. Be ready.” He promptly donned a hazmat suit and stepped off-stage, as air raid sirens began to blare overhead.