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The Eggplant
Mike Norvell Officially Stages Coup, Seizes Control of FSU
Mike Norvell Officially Stages Coup, Seizes Control of FSU

We all love winning.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 27, 2022
Legacy Walk Suspiciously Cagey About What Exactly Its Legacy Is.
Legacy Walk Suspiciously Cagey About What Exactly Its Legacy Is.

Legacy Walk, we’ve all spent countless hours on it questioning why that one person has to walk so fast, but have any of us stopped to consider what exactly Legacy Walk’s Legacy is?

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 16, 2022
Tallahassee Strip To Begin Using the Honor System Instead of Checking Ids
Tallahassee Strip To Begin Using the Honor System Instead of Checking Ids

Since its inception in 2004, The Tallahassee Strip has always been known as a hub of the community for students of Florida State.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 7, 2022
The Den Cuts Ties with Kanye West
The Den Cuts Ties with Kanye West

By now even everyone with a satellite dish and a FaceBook account has been made aware of the dangerous antisemitic comments made by Kanye West in the past few weeks, that follow up on a lifetime of generally shitty behavior.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 6, 2022
Phantom of the Opera? Reports of Ghost Haunting the Ruby Diamond Auditorium Actually Just Some Homeless Guy
Phantom of the Opera? Reports of Ghost Haunting the Ruby Diamond Auditorium Actually Just Some Homeless Guy

Ruby Diamond has been plagued with eerie rumors as of late.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 25, 2022
HCB Cat Receives Tenure
HCB Cat Receives Tenure

Tenure: the Supreme Court nomination of academia, a lifetime award of tax dollars, a trial run for giving UBI to people whose jobs don’t practically contribute to society.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 24, 2022
President McCullough Nearly Blazes Over Students in His BMW Running on Student Tears and Debt
President McCullough Nearly Blazes Over Students in His BMW Running on Student Tears and Debt

On September 3rd, 2022, before everyone decided they were newfound meteorologists, two students were reportedly crossing the three-way stop in front of Westcott Fountain when FSU’s very own President McCullough nearly ran them over!

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 3, 2022
FSU Drops All Previous Admissions Requirements and Replaces With One Attempt at Swiping Into Strozier
FSU Drops All Previous Admissions Requirements and Replaces With One Attempt at Swiping Into Strozier

In an age of college admissions scandals and decisions that seem as if they are mailed out at random, FSU comes up with a revolutionary new method of accepting students.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 30, 2022
2023 Campus Renovations Include Landing Pads on Every FSU Rooftop
2023 Campus Renovations Include Landing Pads on Every FSU Rooftop

If you thought parking sucked before the class of 2026 arrived, then I bet you wish it was the way it used to be.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 20, 2022
FSU Students Asked To Sell World’s Finest Chocolate To Pay for New Student Union
FSU Students Asked To Sell World’s Finest Chocolate To Pay for New Student Union

The new student union construction, like any good (half-assed) Florida project, has gone on for far too long and with way too large of a budget.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 18, 2022
“Oglesby’s Eleven,” Squad Of FSU Alumni, Arrested For Trespassing On New Student Union Grounds
“Oglesby’s Eleven,” Squad Of FSU Alumni, Arrested For Trespassing On New Student Union Grounds

In 2018, construction began on Florida State University’s student union with the anticipated opening of Fall 2020. Fast forward to Summer 2022 and the building remains closed for construction.

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The Eggplant FSUMay 16, 2022
Frat Boyfriend Wants Cooler on His Desk by Tomorrow Morning
Frat Boyfriend Wants Cooler on His Desk by Tomorrow Morning

Greek Life formal season is in full swing, which means hundreds of girls nationwide are sucking every store dry of coolers that will be intricately painted with intimate details about their date and what he likes (beer, his frat, Wendy’s).

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The Eggplant FSUApril 13, 2022
FSU Creates New Event to Promote Inclusivity After Parent's Weekend: Orphan Weekend
FSU Creates New Event to Promote Inclusivity After Parent's Weekend: Orphan Weekend

Parents' weekend came and went.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 12, 2022
Senior Taking Grad Photos vs Westcott Baptism
Senior Taking Grad Photos vs Westcott Baptism

The flowers are blooming all around campus, freshmen are realizing they can’t keep saying they are going to, “switch out of pol- sci” and not actually do it, and seniors are remembering they have to take their grad photos.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 7, 2022
5’9 White Boy Hits Game-Winner in Pickup Game, Awaiting Contract With FSU Basketball
5’9 White Boy Hits Game-Winner in Pickup Game, Awaiting Contract With FSU Basketball

If there’s one universal truth in life, it’s that no matter what there’s always going to be a white boy in the corner for the 3.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 6, 2022
Old FSU Photos in Academic Building Feature Raw Sex on Landis Green
Old FSU Photos in Academic Building Feature Raw Sex on Landis Green

The bookworms of FSU, feeling the existential dread of their impending graduation along with their imminent 30-page research paper that’s due tomorrow, have begun roaming the halls of Strozier and Bellamy at 3 AM in hopes of feeling something.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 6, 2022
FSView Shuts Down After 107 Years
FSView Shuts Down After 107 Years

It’s been a long road, but FSU’s second-best non-affiliated newspaper is finally shutting its doors.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 1, 2022
FSU Football to Install 24K Toilets in Training Facilities
FSU Football to Install 24K Toilets in Training Facilities

There is something so sinister about that FSU Football locker room hype video.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 31, 2022
Grow A Seed With Your Seed: Environmentalist Club Creates Eco-Friendly Condoms
Grow A Seed With Your Seed: Environmentalist Club Creates Eco-Friendly Condoms

Randy the sea turtle lived a peaceful life gliding waves and fertilizing eggs on the beaches of Florida, but everything changed when Florida State spring-breakers migrated to his part of town.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 30, 2022
Landis Green Full Of People Pretending To Read The First Page Of A Book They Got From Tik Tok
Landis Green Full Of People Pretending To Read The First Page Of A Book They Got From Tik Tok

Spring has Sprung at Florida State University!

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 29, 2022
Newer Older

  • The Eggplant FSU
    I haven’t showered since last year😭
    Apr 5, 2023, 8:42 AM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Investigation into where the fuck those red chairs on landis went
    Apr 2, 2023, 1:42 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    We are unbelievably upset by the accusations laid out in this totally real letter we received. We will continue to… https://t.co/rl1b2cYlY5
    Apr 1, 2023, 2:51 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    hey fools, happy april🤭
    Apr 1, 2023, 1:23 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Damn, this class is keeping me late🤯🤯🤯 (it ends at 4:20)
    Mar 29, 2023, 4:19 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    If our song and mirrorball are gone, what do i have to look forward to for the tampa show, taylor???? (i don’t have tickets)
    Mar 29, 2023, 1:30 PM

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