2023 Campus Renovations Include Landing Pads on Every FSU Rooftop
If you thought parking sucked before the class of 2026 arrived, then I bet you wish it was the way it used to be. In the good old days, you could get a spot in Traditions before blowing through your whole puff pack, but now? You’ll be lucky if you don’t blow through two. Administration has been made aware of this issue, most notably President McCullough, but no one has been able to drag him away from his rolling tray which he sits at for hours just practicing and practicing. It wasn’t until Ms. Killings gave a stern (but positive) pep talk, that FSU decided to resolve the problem through renovations which included landing pads on every FSU rooftop.
Rather than demolishing the “beautiful” Salley Hall and just building more garages, the faculty who own aircrafts voted to install landing pads instead. The good news? This will free up 10 spots for other faculty to park so they won’t be taking up the red spaces that we can’t even use! A faculty member who got their pilot’s license through an online class during the pandemic excitedly discussed these renovations. “We’re collaborating with the environmental club at FSU, did I mention the pads will have solar panels? Sounds like a win-win-win!”
We ventured to Traditions Garage to hear the students’ opinions on the matter. After almost getting hit by three cars, two motorbikes, and a skateboarder, we relocated to The Freshman hub instead: The Den. We interviewed one of the drivers who almost hit us, “Yeah, sorry about that, I had been looking for a spot for over an hour and didn’t realize I was going 30mph around that corner. But I might take out another student loan and buy an aircraft just to avoid this damn garage.” It seems some students are interested in obtaining their pilots’ licenses just to avoid the ground parking situation. After seeing some of the worst driving I have ever witnessed, I hope that these kids can fly better than they can drive. And who knows, those landing pads may even save lives. That is until everyone gets aircrafts and we’ll have to resort to underground parking tunnels (without running into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Squirrels).
During the time it has taken to type this, Seminole Boosters just released a statement about future football stadium renovations totaling $100,000. That money could have been used to construct 10 more parking garages but, hey what else would we expect? FSU’s orientation leaders are already working on a whole new section of the curriculum to encourage freshmen to get their pilot’s licenses sooner rather than later; it is advised to get yours by next semester if you want to make it to class on time.